one of our favorite past times is to analyze people in the "scene." for those of you unfamiliar with the concept of being "scene," we'll give you some definitions:
1. way to describe certain subcultures and movements. the most notoriously famous and targeted is the alternative music scene or more specifically the branches of the alternative music scene, ie hardcore, indie, etc.
2. a self-indulgent douche bag who uploads 70 billion pictures of yourself looking scene. congratu-fucking-lations, you can use a camera.
being around these people is like going to a zoo. raccoon tails, animal prints, and your occasionaly neon garmets. what once started out as a an oddity has stepped up to the mainstream. sure you'll always have you skinny jeans, converse, and band t's that are 10 times too small. a personal favorite is the rare 200 pound 16 year old boy, in size 14 girl white skinnny jeans and black metro station shirt. he also sported an excellent black dye job including a side part. magical. take lessons from him.
as mentioned previously, neon is starting to fade a slow and painful death. neon skinny jeans are now being replaced by your primary colors and plaid shirts. plaid is so hot right now. we should have kept those plaid shirts we wore 3 years ago. we would have been in style for once. dammit.
the hair is an essential part of being scene. a side part is a necessity, as is lots of straightening and teasing, and then repeat. you want that look like you didn't do anything with your hair because you want to throw that "i don't care" look. we know it'll take at least 23 minutes to perfect your "i just woke up after drinking coffee and listening to the latest the maine album" look. it's understandable. we know how hard it is to fit. you want to be unique and different, yet be included in the scene. we'll include you any day.
daily high five: rob dyrdek. this is who we want to be like when we're in our mid 30's. we should start being awesome at something awesome so we can one day build a fantasy factory.
daily bitch slap: what's the date? october13? it's fall, we love fall, not snow. it's not suppose to snow and it should be sunny and 50 degrees. not 30 and snowing. so if you could not do that again until december, that'd be great. we've got football games to tailgate and go to and leaves to play in. k thanks.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
supersize it, bitch.
we thought we would share some of our softer side with you folks tonight, a little bit of poetry (especially haiku's) always gets the mood right..
sleep is for the week
we would rather high five
refrigerator
scissors, lawn mower, peas
don't mix them if you heart life
legends never die
september is dead
get over it you pussy
hug it out brosef
listen to your mom
unless she is a hooker
emancipation
do you have the time
seriously i'm tardy
stop your hating, douche
sunshine for the birds
damn rats with wings blow hardcore
run into glass door
we hope you've enjoyed this zen trip. these are all copyrighted.
daily high five: chocolate chip cookies. seriously what is better than a warm chocolate chip cooking fresh from the oven? yeah thats what we thought.
daily bitch slap: dancing with the stars. don't get us wrong, we love seeing aaron carter, sabrina the teenage witch, and that pint sized snowboarder but for the love of god could you please cut down on the tv air time. 34 hours of dancing with the stars coverage is way to long, cut the crap, we don't need all the glitz we just need to dance.
sleep is for the week
we would rather high five
refrigerator
scissors, lawn mower, peas
don't mix them if you heart life
legends never die
september is dead
get over it you pussy
hug it out brosef
listen to your mom
unless she is a hooker
emancipation
do you have the time
seriously i'm tardy
stop your hating, douche
sunshine for the birds
damn rats with wings blow hardcore
run into glass door
we hope you've enjoyed this zen trip. these are all copyrighted.
daily high five: chocolate chip cookies. seriously what is better than a warm chocolate chip cooking fresh from the oven? yeah thats what we thought.
daily bitch slap: dancing with the stars. don't get us wrong, we love seeing aaron carter, sabrina the teenage witch, and that pint sized snowboarder but for the love of god could you please cut down on the tv air time. 34 hours of dancing with the stars coverage is way to long, cut the crap, we don't need all the glitz we just need to dance.
Monday, September 28, 2009
fall, man
so as you should have noticed by now, the seasons they are a changing. its fall bitches. and we can honestly say that its classy like no other.
now we know not all of you will agree. but here is a list of why:
1. the weather.
quit your bitching about you like it hot outside. summer is over deal with it. there is nothing better than a crisp 50 degree day. you don't sweat, and if your not dressed like a retard you shouldn't be cold either. if there is wind, we will admit that sucks pretty hardcore, but without wind a nice overcast fall day is the bee's knees.
2. the clothing.
this kinda goes hand in hand with the weather for some part, as 50 degree weather is primo time for sweatshirts and jeans the combo that rules them all. sweatshirts are just the shit so nothing else can be said there. if jeans aren't your thing then you are a little strange, but fall also is a good time for corduroy or even sweat pants. flannel is also always legit in the fall, and everyone looks better in a shade of flannel. as another positive even the whores have to start covering up in the fall. while we can't guarantee that you won't stumble across a tube top or mini skirt you will see a lot less of them.
3. the food.
two words. CARAMEL APPLES. the way johnny appleseed intended. caramel apples are the ultimate in the fall season. we suggest you eat at least one a day. other notable fall foods that kick ass: halloween oreos, candy corn, sierra mist with cranberry (apparently only comes out in the fall/winter), hot chocolate, apple cider, and we can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of thanksgiving food which hits up the tail end of the season.
4. the entertainment
the fall season spans across some of the most entertaining times all year. you've got college football season at the beginning (tailgating and the opportunity to watch 45 games just on saturday alone), mix in some halloween (candy, scary movies, watching people dress like fools), and dabble some thanksgiving (macy's parade and again food) and you've got yourself quite the itinerary to hit up. do yourself a favor and RSVP now.
5. the colors
even though right now we aren't seeing the greatness, once fall gets in full swing the colors are undeniably awesome. reds, yellows, brown, and yes even orange can be slightly okay in a fall setting. also all you purple lovers can hit up the eggplant shades and its semi okay. pretty.
the perfect climate, the perfect clothes, the perfect food, and the perfect entertainment. thats about everything one needs to survive in the world. fall really does have it all.
daily high five: lady gaga. lady you are straight up insane. you dress and speak like your on crack, which you might very well be, but damn do you right a catchy tune. paparazzi.
daily bitch slap: tim tebow. your a douche. if any other player would have gotten hit like that nobody would have cared. but apparently being the golden boy of the gators gets you so much press we're surprised to know the world isn't updated everytime you take a piss. enjoy your time in college douche because your NFL career is going to amount to nothing.
now we know not all of you will agree. but here is a list of why:
1. the weather.
quit your bitching about you like it hot outside. summer is over deal with it. there is nothing better than a crisp 50 degree day. you don't sweat, and if your not dressed like a retard you shouldn't be cold either. if there is wind, we will admit that sucks pretty hardcore, but without wind a nice overcast fall day is the bee's knees.
2. the clothing.
this kinda goes hand in hand with the weather for some part, as 50 degree weather is primo time for sweatshirts and jeans the combo that rules them all. sweatshirts are just the shit so nothing else can be said there. if jeans aren't your thing then you are a little strange, but fall also is a good time for corduroy or even sweat pants. flannel is also always legit in the fall, and everyone looks better in a shade of flannel. as another positive even the whores have to start covering up in the fall. while we can't guarantee that you won't stumble across a tube top or mini skirt you will see a lot less of them.
3. the food.
two words. CARAMEL APPLES. the way johnny appleseed intended. caramel apples are the ultimate in the fall season. we suggest you eat at least one a day. other notable fall foods that kick ass: halloween oreos, candy corn, sierra mist with cranberry (apparently only comes out in the fall/winter), hot chocolate, apple cider, and we can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of thanksgiving food which hits up the tail end of the season.
4. the entertainment
the fall season spans across some of the most entertaining times all year. you've got college football season at the beginning (tailgating and the opportunity to watch 45 games just on saturday alone), mix in some halloween (candy, scary movies, watching people dress like fools), and dabble some thanksgiving (macy's parade and again food) and you've got yourself quite the itinerary to hit up. do yourself a favor and RSVP now.
5. the colors
even though right now we aren't seeing the greatness, once fall gets in full swing the colors are undeniably awesome. reds, yellows, brown, and yes even orange can be slightly okay in a fall setting. also all you purple lovers can hit up the eggplant shades and its semi okay. pretty.
the perfect climate, the perfect clothes, the perfect food, and the perfect entertainment. thats about everything one needs to survive in the world. fall really does have it all.
daily high five: lady gaga. lady you are straight up insane. you dress and speak like your on crack, which you might very well be, but damn do you right a catchy tune. paparazzi.
daily bitch slap: tim tebow. your a douche. if any other player would have gotten hit like that nobody would have cared. but apparently being the golden boy of the gators gets you so much press we're surprised to know the world isn't updated everytime you take a piss. enjoy your time in college douche because your NFL career is going to amount to nothing.
Monday, September 14, 2009
yeah, its fate.
okay so we know not everyone is going to agree on our views on the subject of fate, but its really all we have left to believe in.
you know in those movies where the main character has to overcome insurmountable odds to do something, or something wicked bad happens to them and someone tells them-you make your own fate (or something equivalent to that) and then all of a sudden everything turns around, they get everything they want, unicorns appear, sunshine and smiles. well that's bullshit.
we're not going to pretend we're saints or perfect but seriously we lead pretty decent respectable lives. and what has that gotten us? absolutely nothing. but the one thing that keeps us going- when the world is constantly frowning on us- is the concept of fate. this has to happen for a reason, someday we will see how everything in our lives has culminated to an ultimate outcome. relying on fate is not fun, we did not choose this. we didn't choose to have "friends" that value our opinion about as much as a horoscope in the paper, or choose eternal singleness (see previous blog), or so much stress our faces are breaking out like 13 year olds.
we didn't know that fate would take its sweet ass time and drag us through a bunch of things we wish we could skip. and yeah, we hold out for whats in store for us because we know that by staying true to ourselves and what we like, what we do, and where we are there will be a time when something or someone crosses our path and it will just click.
since karma apparently is taking a vaca and not catching up to people, hopefully fate catches up to us soon because seriously we're sick of people getting everything they want. its our turn.
so hey, you might think your choosing their own fate now, but fate is just mindfucking you. if your a douche now spoiler alert: fate has something in store for you and you deserve every bit of it.
daily bitch slap: taylor swift. kayne west already verbally slapped you so know we're going to bring in the muscle. deal with it. country music is lame.
daily high five: the outfield. (the band). the song your love is certifiably awesome. please obtain it somehow and listen to it on repeat. man things were classier in the 80's.
you know in those movies where the main character has to overcome insurmountable odds to do something, or something wicked bad happens to them and someone tells them-you make your own fate (or something equivalent to that) and then all of a sudden everything turns around, they get everything they want, unicorns appear, sunshine and smiles. well that's bullshit.
we're not going to pretend we're saints or perfect but seriously we lead pretty decent respectable lives. and what has that gotten us? absolutely nothing. but the one thing that keeps us going- when the world is constantly frowning on us- is the concept of fate. this has to happen for a reason, someday we will see how everything in our lives has culminated to an ultimate outcome. relying on fate is not fun, we did not choose this. we didn't choose to have "friends" that value our opinion about as much as a horoscope in the paper, or choose eternal singleness (see previous blog), or so much stress our faces are breaking out like 13 year olds.
we didn't know that fate would take its sweet ass time and drag us through a bunch of things we wish we could skip. and yeah, we hold out for whats in store for us because we know that by staying true to ourselves and what we like, what we do, and where we are there will be a time when something or someone crosses our path and it will just click.
since karma apparently is taking a vaca and not catching up to people, hopefully fate catches up to us soon because seriously we're sick of people getting everything they want. its our turn.
so hey, you might think your choosing their own fate now, but fate is just mindfucking you. if your a douche now spoiler alert: fate has something in store for you and you deserve every bit of it.
daily bitch slap: taylor swift. kayne west already verbally slapped you so know we're going to bring in the muscle. deal with it. country music is lame.
daily high five: the outfield. (the band). the song your love is certifiably awesome. please obtain it somehow and listen to it on repeat. man things were classier in the 80's.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
so it's september. summer is unofficially over but i'm sure it was full of fun, beaches, concerts, bike rides, sno cones, etc. another activity associated with summer are weddings. they're full of family, friends, and the celebration of love...i'll stop there to spare you of your gag reflexes. i went to a few weddings this summer for some of my closest friends and while i was happy to celebrate with them, being single doesn't help the awkwardness of the question everyone asks you..."so are you seeing anyone?"
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (internal screaming in response to that question is an usual occurance.)
No, i'm not. okay? us bloggers will admit we're at the age were people may be in serious relationship, especially in our region of the world. while it's usually casually brought up in conversation with people you haven't seen for a while, ok, i understand you're curious. yet still, none of your business. but then you have those people who know your grandma's cousin's brother's aunt or your co-workers who ask you the question. seriously. wouldn't you just feel awkward asking that question? especially when you get a "no, i'm happily single, thanks?" because then how do you response to that? here's some of our favorites:
-oh someone like you will find someone to appreciate you
-seriously?! you're not seeing anyone? why not?!?!
-interesting...because my (insert someone they know) son isn't dating anyone right now...
while it's not a top priority in our lifes right now, doesn't mean we're avoiding being in relationships, we'd just prefer that it wasn't brought up. we like being indepedent, is there anything wrong with that? but really, the question just pisses us off. the next time you ask, here's a variety of responses we might use and you'll probably be so weirded out that due to awkwardness you'd probably leave the conversation. if you're in this same situation, feel free to use them as well:
-Yeah i am, but he's in jail for an undisclosed amount of time on indecent exposure charges
-yes, multiple actually, i'm just sorting them through to see if any of these guys are really worthy or not. there's too many to tell you and you probably wouldn't know them anyway.
-yes, i met him online. he lives in greenland and sells boats. we have internet dates everyother tuesday and sunday.
in conclusion, don't ask people if they're seeing anyone unless you have absolutly nothing else to talk about, which is never that case. unless they come out first and say something about their boyfriend/girlfriend...ok fine....but you never need to feel obligated to come out and say "I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND." it's just stupid. and it's too big of a deal. don't be in a relationship just to be socially accepted. screw society, half of those people just want to impress someone and the majority of those aren't worth impressing anyway.
daily high five: jeans and sweatshirts. perfect outfit for perfect fall weather, especially at 8pm
daily bitch slap: tennis player melanie oudin. have you watched her play? she's alright, but have you HEARD her when she plays. it's the most awkward sound we've ever heard in sports. weird dudes.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (internal screaming in response to that question is an usual occurance.)
No, i'm not. okay? us bloggers will admit we're at the age were people may be in serious relationship, especially in our region of the world. while it's usually casually brought up in conversation with people you haven't seen for a while, ok, i understand you're curious. yet still, none of your business. but then you have those people who know your grandma's cousin's brother's aunt or your co-workers who ask you the question. seriously. wouldn't you just feel awkward asking that question? especially when you get a "no, i'm happily single, thanks?" because then how do you response to that? here's some of our favorites:
-oh someone like you will find someone to appreciate you
-seriously?! you're not seeing anyone? why not?!?!
-interesting...because my (insert someone they know) son isn't dating anyone right now...
while it's not a top priority in our lifes right now, doesn't mean we're avoiding being in relationships, we'd just prefer that it wasn't brought up. we like being indepedent, is there anything wrong with that? but really, the question just pisses us off. the next time you ask, here's a variety of responses we might use and you'll probably be so weirded out that due to awkwardness you'd probably leave the conversation. if you're in this same situation, feel free to use them as well:
-Yeah i am, but he's in jail for an undisclosed amount of time on indecent exposure charges
-yes, multiple actually, i'm just sorting them through to see if any of these guys are really worthy or not. there's too many to tell you and you probably wouldn't know them anyway.
-yes, i met him online. he lives in greenland and sells boats. we have internet dates everyother tuesday and sunday.
in conclusion, don't ask people if they're seeing anyone unless you have absolutly nothing else to talk about, which is never that case. unless they come out first and say something about their boyfriend/girlfriend...ok fine....but you never need to feel obligated to come out and say "I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND." it's just stupid. and it's too big of a deal. don't be in a relationship just to be socially accepted. screw society, half of those people just want to impress someone and the majority of those aren't worth impressing anyway.
daily high five: jeans and sweatshirts. perfect outfit for perfect fall weather, especially at 8pm
daily bitch slap: tennis player melanie oudin. have you watched her play? she's alright, but have you HEARD her when she plays. it's the most awkward sound we've ever heard in sports. weird dudes.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
i'll tag you
okay after a long leave of absence we are back in action, we would apologize for being gone but since nobody apparently follows this anyway it doesn't seem to matter. ANYWAYS this time off has given us ample time to ponder on how pissed off the world currently makes us and we have a bunch of fresh new topics to hit you with... so without any more delay let's tackle a favorite: facebook pictures.
almost everyone these days has a digital camera, and everyone has a facebook. what happens when you wed these two things? the art of the facebook picture tag. since its a proven fact everyone wants to see every retarded and meaningless picture you take it is only natural to create 10+ albums worth of snapshots and upload them to the internet. now instead of just cluttering your hard drive your pictures are serving a larger purpose.. there floating around the internet being viewed by all your facebook friends, and their facebook friends, and everyones mom who just got facebook. its a good thing that your facebook friends are all people you know and care about, not random people that you have added to look like your popular on the internet. then it would just be awkward right?
being tagged in a picture on facebook becomes a life quest for people. we personally don't associate with anyone who has less than 500 pictures of themselves on facebook. if you have less than that we automatically assume you have no life or friends (not that you have a little self respect and decency). its super cool when you have that person that you don't even know find a picture and tag themselves in it. you know when they're half in the frame in the background throwing a rock fist in the air? we would totally want that to follow us around on the internet too.
we also personally love it when super flattering pictures of ourselves are taken and were tagged. but we know its hard to look good ALL the time, even for us. thats why we REALLY love it when those not so flattering pictures get uploaded and tagged. seriously who does that? if someone looks like shit in the picture you laugh about it to yourself then delete it, hoping someday that when a shitty picture of you is taken the holder of the original will have the same tact. unfortunately 87% of people using facebook do not have tact. they will tag the shit out of whatever they have. so if you have triple chins, drunk crazy eyes, or appear to way 499 more lbs than you really do because of the angle get ready that shit is popping up on your and everyone you know feeds and people are going to see it. enjoy.
there are some instances when we believe it is okay to have a picture on facebook. everyone needs a dp that shows what their all about. from one glance at a dp you can tell alot about a person. example: boy in between 2 girls all drinking. this kid is obviously super popular, classy, and a nice person to be around. right away you know he is not some drunk that randomly takes pictures with easy girls in the hope of actually taking one of them home when they get drunk enough that they can't refuse. but that's just two easy. what about a harder example to prove how right we are: self picture. this one really screams "hey i'm artsy and different but at the same time mysteriously good looking". not in any way putting off the vibe that they are self absorbed, vain, vapid and shallow people who instead of actually socializing or contributing to society chose to stage awkward photoshots in the comfort of their bedroom while listening to 30h3! and asking there mom to stop coming in and disrupting. the dp really is a time when you can judge a book by its cover! what a fool proof system!
in conclusion, if we could delete our facebook we would. believe it. in the society we live in that is just not an option. our suggestion to you is to get a cell phone with the internet, constantly stay on line, and monitor who tags you in photos so you can chose to either allow or delete the moment that pic makes it up. its really the only way.
daily high five: 60 degree weather. its not 50 degree (which would be better) but it is a very classy temperature for this time of year. bust out your denim and enjoy.
daily bitch slap: the ncaa. give memphis its wins back. see earlier blog concerning derrick rose and the SAT for a full disclosure on our views.
almost everyone these days has a digital camera, and everyone has a facebook. what happens when you wed these two things? the art of the facebook picture tag. since its a proven fact everyone wants to see every retarded and meaningless picture you take it is only natural to create 10+ albums worth of snapshots and upload them to the internet. now instead of just cluttering your hard drive your pictures are serving a larger purpose.. there floating around the internet being viewed by all your facebook friends, and their facebook friends, and everyones mom who just got facebook. its a good thing that your facebook friends are all people you know and care about, not random people that you have added to look like your popular on the internet. then it would just be awkward right?
being tagged in a picture on facebook becomes a life quest for people. we personally don't associate with anyone who has less than 500 pictures of themselves on facebook. if you have less than that we automatically assume you have no life or friends (not that you have a little self respect and decency). its super cool when you have that person that you don't even know find a picture and tag themselves in it. you know when they're half in the frame in the background throwing a rock fist in the air? we would totally want that to follow us around on the internet too.
we also personally love it when super flattering pictures of ourselves are taken and were tagged. but we know its hard to look good ALL the time, even for us. thats why we REALLY love it when those not so flattering pictures get uploaded and tagged. seriously who does that? if someone looks like shit in the picture you laugh about it to yourself then delete it, hoping someday that when a shitty picture of you is taken the holder of the original will have the same tact. unfortunately 87% of people using facebook do not have tact. they will tag the shit out of whatever they have. so if you have triple chins, drunk crazy eyes, or appear to way 499 more lbs than you really do because of the angle get ready that shit is popping up on your and everyone you know feeds and people are going to see it. enjoy.
there are some instances when we believe it is okay to have a picture on facebook. everyone needs a dp that shows what their all about. from one glance at a dp you can tell alot about a person. example: boy in between 2 girls all drinking. this kid is obviously super popular, classy, and a nice person to be around. right away you know he is not some drunk that randomly takes pictures with easy girls in the hope of actually taking one of them home when they get drunk enough that they can't refuse. but that's just two easy. what about a harder example to prove how right we are: self picture. this one really screams "hey i'm artsy and different but at the same time mysteriously good looking". not in any way putting off the vibe that they are self absorbed, vain, vapid and shallow people who instead of actually socializing or contributing to society chose to stage awkward photoshots in the comfort of their bedroom while listening to 30h3! and asking there mom to stop coming in and disrupting. the dp really is a time when you can judge a book by its cover! what a fool proof system!
in conclusion, if we could delete our facebook we would. believe it. in the society we live in that is just not an option. our suggestion to you is to get a cell phone with the internet, constantly stay on line, and monitor who tags you in photos so you can chose to either allow or delete the moment that pic makes it up. its really the only way.
daily high five: 60 degree weather. its not 50 degree (which would be better) but it is a very classy temperature for this time of year. bust out your denim and enjoy.
daily bitch slap: the ncaa. give memphis its wins back. see earlier blog concerning derrick rose and the SAT for a full disclosure on our views.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I don't want to be rude, but...
In large crowds you're bound to get those few annoying people. you put 200 people in a small space there's going to be someone that you can't stand. or you have that one guy that is constantly talking about something and theres a few poor souls that are stuck listening to him/her because they're too nice to tell this person to shut up. then you have those people who think that someone they deserve privledges over the next person. we get it. some people are just rude.
we experienced a large crowd today, and in the mist of the organized chaos, we realize how selfish people are. they want to be first in line, need to get food first, and talk loud enough too make sure someone hears them. here's the thing, when it come to simple things like waiting in line everyone is the same. what happen to common courtesy? the whole idea of, well you've been here an hour longer than me so you should be ahead of me.
we're not saying that we've never done a selfish thing, and at times it happens to the best of us. we just want to get along. here are some fun activities that aren't so selfish and in the name of karma, you should practice them.
1. when you're in a parking lot, leave going every other car. really, it's not that difficult. be nice and everyone else will start doing the same.
2. buy a cheap album, rather than limewire it. especially from struggling musicians. there's a time and a place to limewire music, but if a band it selling good jams for $5, help them out.
3. hand out at least 3 high fives a day. people love high fives and you should too. we'll endorse it.
4. hold open the door for someone. it's just nice, okay?
5. you can pick. it's hard to thing of these things...
daily high five: we recently took up bike riding. why? because we were bored. come to find out it saves us gas, kills time, and is good exercise. so pull your dusty big wheel and take it around the neighborhood.
daily bitch slap: the red box turned blue at walmart. wtf. seriously though, you can't call it a blue box, it will be forever a red box movie rental. just because walmart changed it's scenary, doesn't mean the company that owns red box should conform. or maybe walmart owns them too? they own 87% of everything else in the world.
5.
we experienced a large crowd today, and in the mist of the organized chaos, we realize how selfish people are. they want to be first in line, need to get food first, and talk loud enough too make sure someone hears them. here's the thing, when it come to simple things like waiting in line everyone is the same. what happen to common courtesy? the whole idea of, well you've been here an hour longer than me so you should be ahead of me.
we're not saying that we've never done a selfish thing, and at times it happens to the best of us. we just want to get along. here are some fun activities that aren't so selfish and in the name of karma, you should practice them.
1. when you're in a parking lot, leave going every other car. really, it's not that difficult. be nice and everyone else will start doing the same.
2. buy a cheap album, rather than limewire it. especially from struggling musicians. there's a time and a place to limewire music, but if a band it selling good jams for $5, help them out.
3. hand out at least 3 high fives a day. people love high fives and you should too. we'll endorse it.
4. hold open the door for someone. it's just nice, okay?
5. you can pick. it's hard to thing of these things...
daily high five: we recently took up bike riding. why? because we were bored. come to find out it saves us gas, kills time, and is good exercise. so pull your dusty big wheel and take it around the neighborhood.
daily bitch slap: the red box turned blue at walmart. wtf. seriously though, you can't call it a blue box, it will be forever a red box movie rental. just because walmart changed it's scenary, doesn't mean the company that owns red box should conform. or maybe walmart owns them too? they own 87% of everything else in the world.
5.
Monday, June 29, 2009
We love our customers so much we're charging them an extra $100 in service fees!
Ok, so online ticket sales website don't actually have $100 service charge fees, but they might as well. We like music; therefore, we like concerts. We just ordered tickets for the upcoming blink 182 tour. 3 tickets at $35 a piece is an amazing deal. yeah, we'd pay $50 to see this band. but then add on $7 service fee x 3=$21. wait, ticketmaster is charging us $21 to freaking order tickets from their website? it's not like we talked to someone on the phone for half an hour and wasted their time. we're just paying for the machine who took our credit card number. wtf.
ticketmaster and livenation have gotten a lot of grief lately about these ridiculous service charges and they should. you can't honestly tell us that there's $7 worth of service fees for a piece of paper. why do you think we save these ticket stubs? because they're worth $7 people!!! livenation recently had a no service charge day, which is great, but nothing that we were buying were onsale that day. was anything though besides the jo bros maybe? are they even on tour? oh right, we don't care.
it's a monopoly. no one else offers tickets and we can't wait to buy them at the venue. us the audience is screwed either way and you'll have the top 5 executives rolling around in their filthy pools of cash money. alright, we'll get off our soapbox. but seriously, these corporations need to do some business rearranging.
daily high five: we'll say it, we love michael jackson, even before we saw the E! special they half-assed edited and put on an hour after he died. we had his cassessette tapes and learned the thriller dance just to say we knew it. his music is ageless and that's why we're giving his contributions to the music industry a high five.
daily bitch slap: roger federer. he's just a arrogant dbag. enough said.
ticketmaster and livenation have gotten a lot of grief lately about these ridiculous service charges and they should. you can't honestly tell us that there's $7 worth of service fees for a piece of paper. why do you think we save these ticket stubs? because they're worth $7 people!!! livenation recently had a no service charge day, which is great, but nothing that we were buying were onsale that day. was anything though besides the jo bros maybe? are they even on tour? oh right, we don't care.
it's a monopoly. no one else offers tickets and we can't wait to buy them at the venue. us the audience is screwed either way and you'll have the top 5 executives rolling around in their filthy pools of cash money. alright, we'll get off our soapbox. but seriously, these corporations need to do some business rearranging.
daily high five: we'll say it, we love michael jackson, even before we saw the E! special they half-assed edited and put on an hour after he died. we had his cassessette tapes and learned the thriller dance just to say we knew it. his music is ageless and that's why we're giving his contributions to the music industry a high five.
daily bitch slap: roger federer. he's just a arrogant dbag. enough said.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
reduce, reuse, be awesome.
recycling.
we don't understand why something so easy can be so hard. by not recycling you are killing a cat. maybe you don't like cats, then your killing a baby. and maybe you don't like killing babies (and you lady from obsessed your not allowed to keep your fetus in the freezer, if you haven't heard about this a lady kept her miscarried fetus in her freezer in a bio hazard bag..whoa). basically your killing yourself.
lets say your an ignorant bitch who chooses to use paper plates when you have real kitchen ware but the thought of doing the dishes is just to much for you. where did that paper come from? a tree? and what do trees help produce? besides majestic leaves in the fall or shade in the summer they produce OXYGEN. and what do we breathe? good ole O2. by cutting down trees you are slowly suffocating yourself and everyone you love. (also newspapers should be recycled. see above for reasons why)
what about you people who choose to use styrofoam or plastic. these can be recycled. crazy we know. if you don't recycle and let these things become more plastic goods we have to produce more plastic in industry. burning fossil fuels (which is a whole other rant) and helping that ozone hole. not to mention plastic kills dolphins. yeah you know they get there faces stuck in it and stuff. other animals get fucked too, dolphins just seem to strike a string in a lot of peoples hearts or something.
so we know were asking a lot with how lazy america is. but seriously can't you just recycle?
daily high five: transformers. for those of you who were living under a rock, transformers 2 came out today. we don't know about you, but we are avid transformers fans. who once had optimus prime masks? yeah us.
daily bitch slap: strawberry peanut m&m's. sick. we're sorry but an m&m is not big enough to mix these two flavors together. and strawberry and peanut butter doesn't even sound good.
we don't understand why something so easy can be so hard. by not recycling you are killing a cat. maybe you don't like cats, then your killing a baby. and maybe you don't like killing babies (and you lady from obsessed your not allowed to keep your fetus in the freezer, if you haven't heard about this a lady kept her miscarried fetus in her freezer in a bio hazard bag..whoa). basically your killing yourself.
lets say your an ignorant bitch who chooses to use paper plates when you have real kitchen ware but the thought of doing the dishes is just to much for you. where did that paper come from? a tree? and what do trees help produce? besides majestic leaves in the fall or shade in the summer they produce OXYGEN. and what do we breathe? good ole O2. by cutting down trees you are slowly suffocating yourself and everyone you love. (also newspapers should be recycled. see above for reasons why)
what about you people who choose to use styrofoam or plastic. these can be recycled. crazy we know. if you don't recycle and let these things become more plastic goods we have to produce more plastic in industry. burning fossil fuels (which is a whole other rant) and helping that ozone hole. not to mention plastic kills dolphins. yeah you know they get there faces stuck in it and stuff. other animals get fucked too, dolphins just seem to strike a string in a lot of peoples hearts or something.
so we know were asking a lot with how lazy america is. but seriously can't you just recycle?
daily high five: transformers. for those of you who were living under a rock, transformers 2 came out today. we don't know about you, but we are avid transformers fans. who once had optimus prime masks? yeah us.
daily bitch slap: strawberry peanut m&m's. sick. we're sorry but an m&m is not big enough to mix these two flavors together. and strawberry and peanut butter doesn't even sound good.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Some businesses just don't belong in strip malls.
a lot of construction has been happening in our home state lately and we've noticed a lot of new stores popping up in these newly constructed strip malls ranging from beauty products to food. these stores are convienent and our recent favorite convience is lasik eye surgery office in the strip mall.
ok, are we the only ones who find this really strange? you can just be driving and then think, "hey, i've got a couple of thousand dollar just sitting in my savings, i think i'll get lasik eye surgery today." and then bam! you see your lasik eye surgery office right next to Starbucks and Kinkos. you can get your copies made before an random eye doctor removes layers of your eye, and then celebrate with a grande vanilla expresso machiatto with extra cream and sugar! we'd call that a successful tuesday!
what's next? a drive-thru baby deliverary, or perhaps a hit man operation outlet shop. sure, those shops would be helpful and extremely convienent. who wants to spend a lot of time on life alterating events like having a baby or murdering someone (we don't suggest doing this)? you've got more important things to do like watch the hills* or eat coffee cake. that's understandable, which is why we will support your decision to have your lazer eye surgery at the local strip mall.
*we do not recommend ever watching this fake reality show. mtv hired bad actors so it would look like this would be a real show. we've never seen this many stupid people in one place, so way to go mtv for breaking some kind of douchy record for airing this show. we're sorry you live in cali, jack around all day, and have daily clips on TMZ that prove you have the mentality of one of those poor gosselin kids. at least they'd have a reason to be emotionally distraught once they're old enough to realize they're parents made a ton of money off them.
daily high five: one of the best things about summer is lounging in the pool. you got your floaties, sunscreen, the sun, and then have a nice bronze after a few hours. it's a good way to spend the afternoon and who doesn't love aquatic activites?
daily bitch slap: the media. is the gosslin divorce really the number one story on the 10 o'clock news? that's the best you've got? you'd think they're the first couple with 8 kids and a show on tlc to get divorced...wait. but seriously? the top story?!
ok, are we the only ones who find this really strange? you can just be driving and then think, "hey, i've got a couple of thousand dollar just sitting in my savings, i think i'll get lasik eye surgery today." and then bam! you see your lasik eye surgery office right next to Starbucks and Kinkos. you can get your copies made before an random eye doctor removes layers of your eye, and then celebrate with a grande vanilla expresso machiatto with extra cream and sugar! we'd call that a successful tuesday!
what's next? a drive-thru baby deliverary, or perhaps a hit man operation outlet shop. sure, those shops would be helpful and extremely convienent. who wants to spend a lot of time on life alterating events like having a baby or murdering someone (we don't suggest doing this)? you've got more important things to do like watch the hills* or eat coffee cake. that's understandable, which is why we will support your decision to have your lazer eye surgery at the local strip mall.
*we do not recommend ever watching this fake reality show. mtv hired bad actors so it would look like this would be a real show. we've never seen this many stupid people in one place, so way to go mtv for breaking some kind of douchy record for airing this show. we're sorry you live in cali, jack around all day, and have daily clips on TMZ that prove you have the mentality of one of those poor gosselin kids. at least they'd have a reason to be emotionally distraught once they're old enough to realize they're parents made a ton of money off them.
daily high five: one of the best things about summer is lounging in the pool. you got your floaties, sunscreen, the sun, and then have a nice bronze after a few hours. it's a good way to spend the afternoon and who doesn't love aquatic activites?
daily bitch slap: the media. is the gosslin divorce really the number one story on the 10 o'clock news? that's the best you've got? you'd think they're the first couple with 8 kids and a show on tlc to get divorced...wait. but seriously? the top story?!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
well, your persistent, but leave us alone.
we're going to try to make this blog short and to the point. but you know us, we'll probably start off ranting like we usually do and you'll continue to read it. today we're going to give you legitimate advice (we usually do anyway, but whatever). so here it is and don't take offense:
if you text/call/contact via the internet someone and they don't text/call/respondback, well they obviously don't want to be bothered. especially by you.
here's the thing kids. why keep trying to contact someone (unless it's for a job) if they're not in it to win it? we don't understand how someone can't figure out that us not responding to an attempted contact means keep trying. don't send us duplicates, don't ask "why aren't you responding to me" or that stupid, stupid question, "hey, sup." one, why do you care what i'm doing and two, i don't want you to know what i'm doing. if i did want you to know, then i will contact you first.
case in point, don't ever start a message (we're excluding verbal, also highfives are a big when starting a verbal conversation (see past blogs)) with "wat up." we'll guarantee no response. instead say something like "are you going to see transformers on wednesday" or "hey did you see pizza hut is now just called the hut. wtf?" do you see? they're conversation starters. just asking what someone is doing is just calling for an automatic delete. then again, if we wanted to talk to you we would. but if after a few days and no response, quite trying. give it up, you'll be a better person and everyone will feel better.
daily high five: we're giving this high five to all of our facebook friends. we don't know you, you don't know us. it's cool. we have a little bromance going on and we appreciate it. the majority of our fb friends don't read this, which also goes to show that some people are just desperate for internet friends. we still love you anyway.
daily bitch slap: mantanks. seriously people. men/boys should have to wear shirts with sleeves in public no matter what the tempature is. we don't know what your trying to pull or why companies continue to produce mantanks. it's gross. and you know we always give you our honest opinion, so just don't give into our culture's approval for mantanks. take a stand and let your voice be heard! we're taking down mantanks one at a time until this country is free from it's bad taste in summer mensware.
if you text/call/contact via the internet someone and they don't text/call/respondback, well they obviously don't want to be bothered. especially by you.
here's the thing kids. why keep trying to contact someone (unless it's for a job) if they're not in it to win it? we don't understand how someone can't figure out that us not responding to an attempted contact means keep trying. don't send us duplicates, don't ask "why aren't you responding to me" or that stupid, stupid question, "hey, sup." one, why do you care what i'm doing and two, i don't want you to know what i'm doing. if i did want you to know, then i will contact you first.
case in point, don't ever start a message (we're excluding verbal, also highfives are a big when starting a verbal conversation (see past blogs)) with "wat up." we'll guarantee no response. instead say something like "are you going to see transformers on wednesday" or "hey did you see pizza hut is now just called the hut. wtf?" do you see? they're conversation starters. just asking what someone is doing is just calling for an automatic delete. then again, if we wanted to talk to you we would. but if after a few days and no response, quite trying. give it up, you'll be a better person and everyone will feel better.
daily high five: we're giving this high five to all of our facebook friends. we don't know you, you don't know us. it's cool. we have a little bromance going on and we appreciate it. the majority of our fb friends don't read this, which also goes to show that some people are just desperate for internet friends. we still love you anyway.
daily bitch slap: mantanks. seriously people. men/boys should have to wear shirts with sleeves in public no matter what the tempature is. we don't know what your trying to pull or why companies continue to produce mantanks. it's gross. and you know we always give you our honest opinion, so just don't give into our culture's approval for mantanks. take a stand and let your voice be heard! we're taking down mantanks one at a time until this country is free from it's bad taste in summer mensware.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
bad music: yes it's out there
okay not all music is good, and we know this. what music you think is good is based on your own opinion, but this is our blog so now you get our opinion. while there is alot of shitty music out there we're going to focus today's rant on perhaps our least favorite type: country.
country music is just plan horrible. yes we recognize that there are accents for different Americans, but that does not give you the excuse to over exaggerate said accent to the point where you cause peoples ear's to bleed. unless your tom delonge using the tom voice it should be illegal to reach for it that hard. we have many experiences with people from the south, and know they do not all talk like that. the only ones that possibly could would be the extras in deliverance and we were not about to track them down for a comment, but if we did we're sure they'd be offended.
now that we've got that out of the way we can go on to another offending point about country music, the songs themselves. we know its a chiche but were going to go ahead and call it out once again, we don't care if your tractor broke or your dog died. we've conducted many research studies involving millions of country songs and found that 97.4% address one of these two topics. we do care that your wife left you or you can't find a girl that seems to understand you.. WAIT. no we don't. perhaps if country songs had one ounce of originality we wouldn't hate them so much, perhaps not.
lets say you can look past the ridiculous voices and horrible lyrical content, you might be deaf. but there is another thing you can't ignore, their style. Yes everyone in the south wears cowboy hats, denim on denim, cut offs, jorts, and boots. just kidding. was there a sale at goodwill? did you spend all your money on voice lessons? we know goodwill rarely has sales, and no voice instructor would take most of the singers. we're currently investigating this phenomenon.
so you, minnesota man wearing cowboy boots who would take a bullet for toby keith..you're a douche. and you austrialan country singer you're a douche too. country music is not only a disgrace to the south and all those born there but a disgrace to music. do us all a favor and instead of singing about how hard your life is, journal or write in your rawhide diaries. as long as we don't see or hear you we don't care what you do.
daily high five: summer. its almost officially your part of the year. so reign supreme in all your summer gloriousness. we want sun, heat, and rainbows and its your job to bring it. plus now we can blast nkob "summatime" and not be lying about it.
daily bitch slap: pizza hut. or should we say "the hut". if you didn't know pizza hut is changing its name, shedding that only pizza image. we guess they had to shorten their name, to pay for all the changes that their supposedly having like redoing all their restaurants and making a deal with entertainment tonight to have tvs. now instead of pizza slut children are just going to have to tell there parents "after the football game is it cool if i go to the slut?" your just shooting yourself in the foot, and taking our bitch slap right in your face.
country music is just plan horrible. yes we recognize that there are accents for different Americans, but that does not give you the excuse to over exaggerate said accent to the point where you cause peoples ear's to bleed. unless your tom delonge using the tom voice it should be illegal to reach for it that hard. we have many experiences with people from the south, and know they do not all talk like that. the only ones that possibly could would be the extras in deliverance and we were not about to track them down for a comment, but if we did we're sure they'd be offended.
now that we've got that out of the way we can go on to another offending point about country music, the songs themselves. we know its a chiche but were going to go ahead and call it out once again, we don't care if your tractor broke or your dog died. we've conducted many research studies involving millions of country songs and found that 97.4% address one of these two topics. we do care that your wife left you or you can't find a girl that seems to understand you.. WAIT. no we don't. perhaps if country songs had one ounce of originality we wouldn't hate them so much, perhaps not.
lets say you can look past the ridiculous voices and horrible lyrical content, you might be deaf. but there is another thing you can't ignore, their style. Yes everyone in the south wears cowboy hats, denim on denim, cut offs, jorts, and boots. just kidding. was there a sale at goodwill? did you spend all your money on voice lessons? we know goodwill rarely has sales, and no voice instructor would take most of the singers. we're currently investigating this phenomenon.
so you, minnesota man wearing cowboy boots who would take a bullet for toby keith..you're a douche. and you austrialan country singer you're a douche too. country music is not only a disgrace to the south and all those born there but a disgrace to music. do us all a favor and instead of singing about how hard your life is, journal or write in your rawhide diaries. as long as we don't see or hear you we don't care what you do.
daily high five: summer. its almost officially your part of the year. so reign supreme in all your summer gloriousness. we want sun, heat, and rainbows and its your job to bring it. plus now we can blast nkob "summatime" and not be lying about it.
daily bitch slap: pizza hut. or should we say "the hut". if you didn't know pizza hut is changing its name, shedding that only pizza image. we guess they had to shorten their name, to pay for all the changes that their supposedly having like redoing all their restaurants and making a deal with entertainment tonight to have tvs. now instead of pizza slut children are just going to have to tell there parents "after the football game is it cool if i go to the slut?" your just shooting yourself in the foot, and taking our bitch slap right in your face.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
idk my bff rose
okay, its impossible to deny.. we all text. yes, even us and our superior wisdom rely on texting to communicate day to day with our associates. its quick, its convenient, and you can pretty much text where you want. here in lies the problem. with all of textings awesomeness there are sum definite do's and don't's. here is a quick run down of some guidelines of texting and there appropriate rules.
1. who to text
DO's:
its cool to text your friends. if your family can text, its cool to text them. yes, your parents might look wicked lame texting you back because they don't know how to use T9 or they have to put their glasses on to see the numbers but you shouldn't be texting them if there around you anyway so you don't have to worry about being associated with them.
DON'T's:
do not text any boy/girl who you might have a crush on (this especially pertains to those of you of age and could be under the influence of alcohol). seriously if those people really liked you they would call you. yes texting avoids that awkward phone convo (we all know what we're talking about) but your just going to have to deal. if you absolutely feel the need, don't text for no reason. no fishing texts allowed here where your just begging them to text you back. make sure its legit.
2. texting when you can't talk
DO's:
texting is completely okay to do while you are in a meeting, school, whatever. that shit is boring and who are we to stop you from texting more entertaining people.
DON'T's:
do not text when your in church, in the bathroom, in the shower, in the hospital. we think you get the picture. first off its wrong, second if your that attached to your phone you have a problem. also don't text when your hanging out with other friends. seriously there is nothing more annoying than that clicky sound it makes when you use your phone to text. if you hanging out with real people, interact with them. don't sit there and laugh to yourself about some lame text you got from your bf/grandma/dog while everyone else just stares at you.
also absolutely DO NOT text in the movie theater. that makes you a douche.
3. what to text
DO's:
its okay to text about class, tv, some fun joke you heard a church camp. you know, all that stuff is cool. texting is an awesome way to quickly shoot something over to a friend so you don't forget to tell them. you can just text them to remind you about something, or to call you later. you can set up your nighttime plans, or complain about how much you hate your life. these are acceptable.
DON'T's
do not forward chain texts. unless there super funny (which is highly unlikely) these things are usually lame and not worth anyone's time. don't profess your love to anyone (unless your being a douche which is an exception). also DO NOT send emoticons. things sent over text are subject to extreme misinterpretation because yes, there are people out there that are going to read into everything you say because there are a lot of dumb people out there and sometimes you associate with them. also don't use to many abbreviations. okay we understand that sometimes time is a factor or maybe you don't have enough room, but if your abbreviating everything its almost a completely different language for losers.
4. how many texts to send
DO's:
okay as hard as it is, try and respond to all the texts that have an open ended question. if the person is lame or the question is something that would get you in trouble for answering it is okay to not answer. its cool to have a convo over text, especially if you don't want to be on the phone forever. make sure you have a texting plan though. you don't want to have to pay a quarter to send something you could easy go without sending.
DON'T's:
do not be a text whore. yes, were talking to you 15 year old iowa girl who sends 14,000 texts a month. that is obscene. you could not possibly know that many people or have that much of a reason to text them. we have a theory going that for every text over 500 a month you send a brain cell dies. and we're being lenient.
all and all we hope you've learned a thing or two about texting. maybe you'll think twice about who/what to text the next time you have a chance. ttyl bfff's.
daily bitch slap: the creators of i'm a celebrity get me out of here. okay seriously its hard to classify these people as celebrities and even harder to imagine them being cool. john sally is semi legit with his 4 nba champion rings, and lou diamoud phillips was in that one movie where he had to learn calculus and get into college which was also kinda legit. but seriously if your stooping to reality tv we pity you. we want to slap the people that let it happen so there you go creators, and least the people on it earned money at one point in their careers (kinda).
daily high five: sunglasses. sunglasses can be a sweet way of expression. there fun, colorful, and can even be worn at night (thank you corey heart). we do have a few suggestions like 1. bigger is better. 2. go with a flashy color, preferably one that does not match anything you are wearing. and perhaps the most important 3. make sure you can't see your eyes. it's best to have your eyes hidden, this leaves you open to eye fucking people or sleeping right out in the open! what a great invention!
1. who to text
DO's:
its cool to text your friends. if your family can text, its cool to text them. yes, your parents might look wicked lame texting you back because they don't know how to use T9 or they have to put their glasses on to see the numbers but you shouldn't be texting them if there around you anyway so you don't have to worry about being associated with them.
DON'T's:
do not text any boy/girl who you might have a crush on (this especially pertains to those of you of age and could be under the influence of alcohol). seriously if those people really liked you they would call you. yes texting avoids that awkward phone convo (we all know what we're talking about) but your just going to have to deal. if you absolutely feel the need, don't text for no reason. no fishing texts allowed here where your just begging them to text you back. make sure its legit.
2. texting when you can't talk
DO's:
texting is completely okay to do while you are in a meeting, school, whatever. that shit is boring and who are we to stop you from texting more entertaining people.
DON'T's:
do not text when your in church, in the bathroom, in the shower, in the hospital. we think you get the picture. first off its wrong, second if your that attached to your phone you have a problem. also don't text when your hanging out with other friends. seriously there is nothing more annoying than that clicky sound it makes when you use your phone to text. if you hanging out with real people, interact with them. don't sit there and laugh to yourself about some lame text you got from your bf/grandma/dog while everyone else just stares at you.
also absolutely DO NOT text in the movie theater. that makes you a douche.
3. what to text
DO's:
its okay to text about class, tv, some fun joke you heard a church camp. you know, all that stuff is cool. texting is an awesome way to quickly shoot something over to a friend so you don't forget to tell them. you can just text them to remind you about something, or to call you later. you can set up your nighttime plans, or complain about how much you hate your life. these are acceptable.
DON'T's
do not forward chain texts. unless there super funny (which is highly unlikely) these things are usually lame and not worth anyone's time. don't profess your love to anyone (unless your being a douche which is an exception). also DO NOT send emoticons. things sent over text are subject to extreme misinterpretation because yes, there are people out there that are going to read into everything you say because there are a lot of dumb people out there and sometimes you associate with them. also don't use to many abbreviations. okay we understand that sometimes time is a factor or maybe you don't have enough room, but if your abbreviating everything its almost a completely different language for losers.
4. how many texts to send
DO's:
okay as hard as it is, try and respond to all the texts that have an open ended question. if the person is lame or the question is something that would get you in trouble for answering it is okay to not answer. its cool to have a convo over text, especially if you don't want to be on the phone forever. make sure you have a texting plan though. you don't want to have to pay a quarter to send something you could easy go without sending.
DON'T's:
do not be a text whore. yes, were talking to you 15 year old iowa girl who sends 14,000 texts a month. that is obscene. you could not possibly know that many people or have that much of a reason to text them. we have a theory going that for every text over 500 a month you send a brain cell dies. and we're being lenient.
all and all we hope you've learned a thing or two about texting. maybe you'll think twice about who/what to text the next time you have a chance. ttyl bfff's.
daily bitch slap: the creators of i'm a celebrity get me out of here. okay seriously its hard to classify these people as celebrities and even harder to imagine them being cool. john sally is semi legit with his 4 nba champion rings, and lou diamoud phillips was in that one movie where he had to learn calculus and get into college which was also kinda legit. but seriously if your stooping to reality tv we pity you. we want to slap the people that let it happen so there you go creators, and least the people on it earned money at one point in their careers (kinda).
daily high five: sunglasses. sunglasses can be a sweet way of expression. there fun, colorful, and can even be worn at night (thank you corey heart). we do have a few suggestions like 1. bigger is better. 2. go with a flashy color, preferably one that does not match anything you are wearing. and perhaps the most important 3. make sure you can't see your eyes. it's best to have your eyes hidden, this leaves you open to eye fucking people or sleeping right out in the open! what a great invention!
Monday, June 15, 2009
what goes around comes around...
Karma. it's that thing that sits in the back of your head when you know you shouldn't drink your friend's last mountain dew or cheat on your significant other. ok. those are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, but let's be honest. we've heard it before, karma's a bitch. karma is what we have to keep telling ourselves to believe our lives don't suck. it'll get better, right?
we're good people. we've got/are getting an education, we respect our elders and the law. so what about those bastards who do everything wrong and are living up life? oh, that's right, we're paying for them. thanks goverment. here's $20, go buy another pack of cigs and forty from the kum and go. maybe those people are just lazy or had a bad childhood, whatever. you made a bad decision, had a few kids, didn't get a job and your parents kicked out of the house. it's called common sense. we're pretty sure we're all born with it and if you weren't, find some friends that do have it.
then you have those are the people that screwed around, were in and out of school, found a million dollars and now live on the beach and will never have to work another day of their life. maybe that's just called luck. well, we don't have it. now we're slightly jealous, want to be friends? seriously share the wealth.
what about those people who step on everyone elses fingers. you do a little of good here and spread the bad around to a lot of other people, as in you screw (not in a sexual way jeez) a lot of people on the way. it's like the saying "don't step on anyones toes" except the opposite of that? you see what i'm saying? it's really hard to say good luck to people like this and actually mean it.
perhaps the best are the self rightous karma cheaters. yeah, you've been a bitch but you deserve too because you have a boyfriend. wait.. what the fuck? that makes no sense. we're proud you can count your life a success solely because you've gotten a boyfriend or made the deans list. but that does not entitle you to brag, boast, or twitter about it. your better than all of us, please, whatever, we hope you know thanks to karma you will eventually get yours.
what we're getting at here is that if you feel like you've worked your ass off your entire life and are seeing no results, keep reminding yourself of karma. you've kept yourself out of trouble, have few enemies and smile a lot, you're probably a pretty decent person. if you're tired of this lifestyle, go ahead and be a bad ass. we'd respect you for that. sometime, there's going to be a rise of these people. all of our strings are going to snap, and the world will be utter chaos. it's us people who keep the world calm, but can you imagine when all that bottled up anger explodes? shit son, make sure you have your canned food ready, you're won't be going out anytime soon.
daily high five: NASA. 2 launches this week?! we bet these people are getting some serious over time. space is pretty awesome. on that note, i'm going to go star gaze.
daily bitch slap: could someone explain the need for the digital conversion thing? pretty sure the US government did this to make some cash money. let's be honest, people can't go without tv so they're going to pay for these special little boxes that broadcast channels. if this isn't the case, then the stations need to strengthen their channels. but option one is way more interesting, we love a good conspiriracy theory.
we're good people. we've got/are getting an education, we respect our elders and the law. so what about those bastards who do everything wrong and are living up life? oh, that's right, we're paying for them. thanks goverment. here's $20, go buy another pack of cigs and forty from the kum and go. maybe those people are just lazy or had a bad childhood, whatever. you made a bad decision, had a few kids, didn't get a job and your parents kicked out of the house. it's called common sense. we're pretty sure we're all born with it and if you weren't, find some friends that do have it.
then you have those are the people that screwed around, were in and out of school, found a million dollars and now live on the beach and will never have to work another day of their life. maybe that's just called luck. well, we don't have it. now we're slightly jealous, want to be friends? seriously share the wealth.
what about those people who step on everyone elses fingers. you do a little of good here and spread the bad around to a lot of other people, as in you screw (not in a sexual way jeez) a lot of people on the way. it's like the saying "don't step on anyones toes" except the opposite of that? you see what i'm saying? it's really hard to say good luck to people like this and actually mean it.
perhaps the best are the self rightous karma cheaters. yeah, you've been a bitch but you deserve too because you have a boyfriend. wait.. what the fuck? that makes no sense. we're proud you can count your life a success solely because you've gotten a boyfriend or made the deans list. but that does not entitle you to brag, boast, or twitter about it. your better than all of us, please, whatever, we hope you know thanks to karma you will eventually get yours.
what we're getting at here is that if you feel like you've worked your ass off your entire life and are seeing no results, keep reminding yourself of karma. you've kept yourself out of trouble, have few enemies and smile a lot, you're probably a pretty decent person. if you're tired of this lifestyle, go ahead and be a bad ass. we'd respect you for that. sometime, there's going to be a rise of these people. all of our strings are going to snap, and the world will be utter chaos. it's us people who keep the world calm, but can you imagine when all that bottled up anger explodes? shit son, make sure you have your canned food ready, you're won't be going out anytime soon.
daily high five: NASA. 2 launches this week?! we bet these people are getting some serious over time. space is pretty awesome. on that note, i'm going to go star gaze.
daily bitch slap: could someone explain the need for the digital conversion thing? pretty sure the US government did this to make some cash money. let's be honest, people can't go without tv so they're going to pay for these special little boxes that broadcast channels. if this isn't the case, then the stations need to strengthen their channels. but option one is way more interesting, we love a good conspiriracy theory.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Pros Vs. (not so average) Joes
okay we're not going to lie. we like basketball. its a pretty sweet sport, come on who doesn't love watching 7 ft freaks of nature throwing a ball into a hoop? its awesome. now while the general concepts of basketball stay the same, it is impossible to ignore some of the other differences we see in the jump from college to professional basketball. So turn off your ESPN, recline your lazy boy and get ready for a jump ball of awesomeness.
Okay lets see were to begin on this topic. We're going to start on the basics: love of the game. yes arguably you can say with the addition of the 2005 rule making all nba players play at least one year of college ball some collegate athelets were just doing there one and done so they could go get the big nba paycheck. but seriously thats all it is for some of these guys. Hey kobe its cool to cheat on your wife, the lakers are paying you enough money so you can jsut buy her a big new ring and it'll be all good. besides with the lifestyle she's used to it be hard to find someone else to make enough money to fuel her consumer driven lifestyle. No wonder the economy sucks. were paying people whose only real skill is the ability to run real bad fast and put a little ball in a big hoop. They deserve 349849483 million dollars for beiing gifted with athletic genes. In college at least most of the players are actually there to be students of the game. Most of the players care that there team wins and beats thier rival, unlike the pros who care if thier team wins so they can get a bigger paycheck next season. we're glad americas economy is so bad, because it matters to us that our favorite basketball players can still own 7 hummers which can singlehandedly make a hole in the ozone.
point dose: america fuck yeah. okay were sorry but its ridiculous the amount of names you can't say of the nba players because there from lithuania, turkey, japan, WHATEVER. we know america is awesome but seriously are we better in everything? there has got to be a park where you can play in your home country. now we have to explain to our 12 year old children why their favorite player can't do interviews, oh yeah its cause he has no idea what people are asking him and we have no idea what he's saying. yes there are some strange names in college but at least these kids had to learn english in order to get in.
pt3: rules. 4 quaters vs 2 halfs, 5 vs 6 fouls, the three point line... the rules for the boys and men are different. Lets not forget to mention the fact you can walk about half court in the nba without getting a traveling call. just the other day in the lakers/magic game were pretty sure we saw luke walton walking his dog from the free thow line to the basket without getting any sort of violation. it's cool, rules are ment to be broken right?
quadlaser: finals. 40 days? 40 freakin days?!? thats how long the nba playoffs drag on. okay this season hasn't been to bad, there have been some quality games, but it is absolutly ridiculous that the playoffs/finals last that long. usually we aren't even so lucky and the divisions are so lopsided that the games are over before they even begin. on the other hand march madness might be the best 2 weeks of sports tv out there. Its short, its always sweet. plus you can actually afford to go see some games without taking loans out.
so to sum up what you should have concluded yourself: college basketball >>>>>>>nba.
daily bitch slap: kobe bryant. kobe your team just won the nba finals (again), you still have 5 different puppet commericals circulating around, AND every single announcer has a man crush on you. however, your still a douche. we don't like your face, enjoy your bitch slap
daily high five: taking back sunday. if you haven't picked up their new cd then get over yourself and pic it up. its only around $10 and it does not suck. we give it a higher rating than louder now for the most part. yes the band has gone through more line up changes than billy ray cirus hairstyles, but they've still got it. high five.
Okay lets see were to begin on this topic. We're going to start on the basics: love of the game. yes arguably you can say with the addition of the 2005 rule making all nba players play at least one year of college ball some collegate athelets were just doing there one and done so they could go get the big nba paycheck. but seriously thats all it is for some of these guys. Hey kobe its cool to cheat on your wife, the lakers are paying you enough money so you can jsut buy her a big new ring and it'll be all good. besides with the lifestyle she's used to it be hard to find someone else to make enough money to fuel her consumer driven lifestyle. No wonder the economy sucks. were paying people whose only real skill is the ability to run real bad fast and put a little ball in a big hoop. They deserve 349849483 million dollars for beiing gifted with athletic genes. In college at least most of the players are actually there to be students of the game. Most of the players care that there team wins and beats thier rival, unlike the pros who care if thier team wins so they can get a bigger paycheck next season. we're glad americas economy is so bad, because it matters to us that our favorite basketball players can still own 7 hummers which can singlehandedly make a hole in the ozone.
point dose: america fuck yeah. okay were sorry but its ridiculous the amount of names you can't say of the nba players because there from lithuania, turkey, japan, WHATEVER. we know america is awesome but seriously are we better in everything? there has got to be a park where you can play in your home country. now we have to explain to our 12 year old children why their favorite player can't do interviews, oh yeah its cause he has no idea what people are asking him and we have no idea what he's saying. yes there are some strange names in college but at least these kids had to learn english in order to get in.
pt3: rules. 4 quaters vs 2 halfs, 5 vs 6 fouls, the three point line... the rules for the boys and men are different. Lets not forget to mention the fact you can walk about half court in the nba without getting a traveling call. just the other day in the lakers/magic game were pretty sure we saw luke walton walking his dog from the free thow line to the basket without getting any sort of violation. it's cool, rules are ment to be broken right?
quadlaser: finals. 40 days? 40 freakin days?!? thats how long the nba playoffs drag on. okay this season hasn't been to bad, there have been some quality games, but it is absolutly ridiculous that the playoffs/finals last that long. usually we aren't even so lucky and the divisions are so lopsided that the games are over before they even begin. on the other hand march madness might be the best 2 weeks of sports tv out there. Its short, its always sweet. plus you can actually afford to go see some games without taking loans out.
so to sum up what you should have concluded yourself: college basketball >>>>>>>nba.
daily bitch slap: kobe bryant. kobe your team just won the nba finals (again), you still have 5 different puppet commericals circulating around, AND every single announcer has a man crush on you. however, your still a douche. we don't like your face, enjoy your bitch slap
daily high five: taking back sunday. if you haven't picked up their new cd then get over yourself and pic it up. its only around $10 and it does not suck. we give it a higher rating than louder now for the most part. yes the band has gone through more line up changes than billy ray cirus hairstyles, but they've still got it. high five.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
bandanas are the best accessory ever. not.
You're getting ready to go out for a night on the town. make sure you don't leave without your money, i.d., and your bandana. a bandana has mulitple uses, all of which are dumb unless you're a cowboy, bret michaels, or axel rose. and then they're still kind of sketchy.
1. the neckerchief: worn by those stupid little emo kids wearing thursday shirts you want to punch in the face. what's the deal? you're not in the desert. it's usually not winter and if it was, get a scarf. also, the neon? really? it's not like we don't see you with your yellow skinny pants, bad dye job with a massive side part. we'll make fun of you either way. you're just making it easier for us when you where that rag on your neck.
2. the headbandana: we've already discussed bret michaels and axel rose, they need it for obvious reasons. they make these things called hats, you can even sport your favorite team. we'd probably even be okay with a sweatband. but don't abuse the right of a sweatband, it's for exercise use only, or sweet costume parties. also, just because you're a volunteer firefighter doesn't give you the right to wear that thing on your head.
3. the wrist-bandana: does your wrist really sweat that much? well, they do make "armbands" but if you really need it for sweat, we suggest your see your doctor. how do you even tie that on yourself? do you have sign a consent for to have someone tie it for you? or do you just ask your mom?
4. the leg-bandana: if you can fit a bandana around your leg, or you even questioned if you could, you should probably eat something. and we're pretty sure your pants do not want another accesory besides a belt. also, you can't make a bandana into a belt. so don't do it or we'll have to add a number 5 to this list. what's the real purpose of a the leg bandana? do you have a hole in your pants your mom can't patch/sew? if so a bandana wouldn't fix it in the first place.
so what have you learned today? that bandana's are never a good idea, not matter how scene you want to look or how hot or cold it is outside. spread the word.
daily high five: harper's island. it's never too late to start watching. just make sure to have a couple of friends watch it for awhile then explain it to you. it's cool. way to go to mini series. we're placing bets that little girl. thoughts?
daily bitch slap: detriot red wings. we're glad the penguins won on detroits ice. just to add to your self-pity, we're giving you a bitch slap, does it burn?
1. the neckerchief: worn by those stupid little emo kids wearing thursday shirts you want to punch in the face. what's the deal? you're not in the desert. it's usually not winter and if it was, get a scarf. also, the neon? really? it's not like we don't see you with your yellow skinny pants, bad dye job with a massive side part. we'll make fun of you either way. you're just making it easier for us when you where that rag on your neck.
2. the headbandana: we've already discussed bret michaels and axel rose, they need it for obvious reasons. they make these things called hats, you can even sport your favorite team. we'd probably even be okay with a sweatband. but don't abuse the right of a sweatband, it's for exercise use only, or sweet costume parties. also, just because you're a volunteer firefighter doesn't give you the right to wear that thing on your head.
3. the wrist-bandana: does your wrist really sweat that much? well, they do make "armbands" but if you really need it for sweat, we suggest your see your doctor. how do you even tie that on yourself? do you have sign a consent for to have someone tie it for you? or do you just ask your mom?
4. the leg-bandana: if you can fit a bandana around your leg, or you even questioned if you could, you should probably eat something. and we're pretty sure your pants do not want another accesory besides a belt. also, you can't make a bandana into a belt. so don't do it or we'll have to add a number 5 to this list. what's the real purpose of a the leg bandana? do you have a hole in your pants your mom can't patch/sew? if so a bandana wouldn't fix it in the first place.
so what have you learned today? that bandana's are never a good idea, not matter how scene you want to look or how hot or cold it is outside. spread the word.
daily high five: harper's island. it's never too late to start watching. just make sure to have a couple of friends watch it for awhile then explain it to you. it's cool. way to go to mini series. we're placing bets that little girl. thoughts?
daily bitch slap: detriot red wings. we're glad the penguins won on detroits ice. just to add to your self-pity, we're giving you a bitch slap, does it burn?
Friday, June 12, 2009
tweet on this
You might be wondering what the frick this title means. well, if you have been living under a rock you let us expose you to the extraordinary, worthless world of TWITTER.
First of all, this is one social website we can safely say we will refuse to use. we don't care if you're baking cookies or you just got a plus 8 safety in WOW. no one cares, especially us. we also wouldn't expect you to care if abraham and the lincolns just gained 5,000 fans in rock band (we probably wouldn't update our Twitter to tell you that in the first place). we don't want to hear about how you're eating a brownie batter blizzard or just got tickets to see blink. chances are we've already done that (because we're kind of awesome). we just don't care.
According to Twitter, this is what the site is for:
Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?
Oh yes, we've heard of this before. ITS CALLED THE TELEPHONE. think of how pissed alexander graham bell would be if he found out people we're using this measly website to update people on their lives. i mean really, if you're mom is reading your twitter, we'll just say it. you're a terrible son/daughter. even email will work. we'll admit we do a lot of texting between each other and other friends. if we wanted to know what you're doing with your life, we'd ask. or awkwardly run into you at wal-mart then feel obligated to ask even if we didn't want to know what you were up to. at least i'm not following you on twitter.
the only thing twitter is half ways useful for is marketing. organizations, musicians, your average famous person. they could use this social site if they wanted to update us fans about shows, new movies, etc. but isn't that what things like facebook, people.com, and foxsports.com are for? now you're just being lazy. the majority of the time there's 18 people claiming they're a famous person. you can't even follow the correct person, they system is obviously flawed. we would have told you that 2 years ago.
and apparently you can have a conversation with people on Twitter? how is that even possible? wait, we don't care. in conclusion, we hate twitter. it's just another tool that the internet has provided a way for us to sit on our asses and update random people about how lame/awesome your life is all while some computer genuis is making millions.
daily high five: a high five to fridays! i mean it's almost saturday, and since thursday's are the new fridays, wouldn't fridays be the new saturdays? we're going to have to add a day of the week eventually, how about funday?
daily bitch slap: the obvious is twitter. except we'd bitch slap this website everyday if we could, but that would get boring after awhile. and you know we like to keep things spicy.
First of all, this is one social website we can safely say we will refuse to use. we don't care if you're baking cookies or you just got a plus 8 safety in WOW. no one cares, especially us. we also wouldn't expect you to care if abraham and the lincolns just gained 5,000 fans in rock band (we probably wouldn't update our Twitter to tell you that in the first place). we don't want to hear about how you're eating a brownie batter blizzard or just got tickets to see blink. chances are we've already done that (because we're kind of awesome). we just don't care.
According to Twitter, this is what the site is for:
Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?
Oh yes, we've heard of this before. ITS CALLED THE TELEPHONE. think of how pissed alexander graham bell would be if he found out people we're using this measly website to update people on their lives. i mean really, if you're mom is reading your twitter, we'll just say it. you're a terrible son/daughter. even email will work. we'll admit we do a lot of texting between each other and other friends. if we wanted to know what you're doing with your life, we'd ask. or awkwardly run into you at wal-mart then feel obligated to ask even if we didn't want to know what you were up to. at least i'm not following you on twitter.
the only thing twitter is half ways useful for is marketing. organizations, musicians, your average famous person. they could use this social site if they wanted to update us fans about shows, new movies, etc. but isn't that what things like facebook, people.com, and foxsports.com are for? now you're just being lazy. the majority of the time there's 18 people claiming they're a famous person. you can't even follow the correct person, they system is obviously flawed. we would have told you that 2 years ago.
and apparently you can have a conversation with people on Twitter? how is that even possible? wait, we don't care. in conclusion, we hate twitter. it's just another tool that the internet has provided a way for us to sit on our asses and update random people about how lame/awesome your life is all while some computer genuis is making millions.
daily high five: a high five to fridays! i mean it's almost saturday, and since thursday's are the new fridays, wouldn't fridays be the new saturdays? we're going to have to add a day of the week eventually, how about funday?
daily bitch slap: the obvious is twitter. except we'd bitch slap this website everyday if we could, but that would get boring after awhile. and you know we like to keep things spicy.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Handshakes lead to hangjobs. Nice to meet you.
Whoa, just playing. Happy Tuesday. Todays topic: handshakes/five/poundup.
You've all been in that situation. That's right. A hello, a welcome, a what's goin' on. The person you start talking to extends their hand in greeting and you get flustered. You think to yourself omg I don't want to hug you, but what kind of hand gesture are you going to give me.
If you have the chance, quickly size up how much personal contact you want to have with this person. If you're not a "hugging" person, we suggest offering the hand gesture first. This is the best way to avoid a hug once it has been impossed upon you. You can't pull back from a hand shake hug once it's offered to you, you'll just look like a bitch then. Handshake huggers can be difficult to detect and are you usually the people you are leastly likely to want to touch. They bait you by offering a handshake and then once they get you, they gotcha! There's no turning back and you're going to have to deal with close contact for a minimum of 5 seconds. It's gross.
The classiest way to initiate conversation is with a high five. High fives are an art form, and like good things, practice makes perfect. In fact, you can practice your high fives with strangers and you'll make friends! If someone offers you a quality high five, there's a 90% chance that your conversation will include awesomeness. High fives are an even better idea when there is adult beverages involved. If you're a minor, you can still hand out high fives, we'll allow it. We also suggest yelling "high five" when hand out your high fives. It makes the moment even more magical. Everyone will want a high five, but only special people will receive them. Don't become a high five whore. ALWAYS be cautious of those who make look like they could be high five huggers, even if you initiate the high five. Sometimes (see emoticons entry) idiots read into your high fives and think a hug is necessary, when in all reality, a following hug is never necessary.
In summary, we hope you have educated yourself about hand gestures. Always try to intiate the greeting if the person looks even the least bit sketchy. Use your hand gestures to make judgements about people. If a person tries to turn a high five into a hug, it's safe to say they are a douche bag. However, if someone, even if you don't know them, comes at you with a sweet ass high five, don't pass it up. If you're going to have multiple partners, make sure to carry hand sanitzer. It's cheap, it kills 99% of bacteria that can be transfered through hand greetings!
daily high five (do read into this): the brownie batter blizzard might be the greatest ice cream dessert ever. people were openly crying when Dairy Queen decided to be lame and take the treat off the menu last year, but now you've realized how big of a mistake you made. sure, it's still overpriced, but at least we have an option now. also, you can get coups by lying about your birthday and giving every email address you have to the dq website. that's right, we beat the system.
daily bitch slap: runner up gay kid from American Idol. big surprise, wait. We all knew from when you came out on stage with guyliner and a metallic jacket that you would prefer to be the front man of a drag show rendition of "Mamma Mia." It's cool Adam Lambert, you still have more money than we do. We figured you would prefer the bitch slap to our high five, and we kind of respect that.
You've all been in that situation. That's right. A hello, a welcome, a what's goin' on. The person you start talking to extends their hand in greeting and you get flustered. You think to yourself omg I don't want to hug you, but what kind of hand gesture are you going to give me.
If you have the chance, quickly size up how much personal contact you want to have with this person. If you're not a "hugging" person, we suggest offering the hand gesture first. This is the best way to avoid a hug once it has been impossed upon you. You can't pull back from a hand shake hug once it's offered to you, you'll just look like a bitch then. Handshake huggers can be difficult to detect and are you usually the people you are leastly likely to want to touch. They bait you by offering a handshake and then once they get you, they gotcha! There's no turning back and you're going to have to deal with close contact for a minimum of 5 seconds. It's gross.
The classiest way to initiate conversation is with a high five. High fives are an art form, and like good things, practice makes perfect. In fact, you can practice your high fives with strangers and you'll make friends! If someone offers you a quality high five, there's a 90% chance that your conversation will include awesomeness. High fives are an even better idea when there is adult beverages involved. If you're a minor, you can still hand out high fives, we'll allow it. We also suggest yelling "high five" when hand out your high fives. It makes the moment even more magical. Everyone will want a high five, but only special people will receive them. Don't become a high five whore. ALWAYS be cautious of those who make look like they could be high five huggers, even if you initiate the high five. Sometimes (see emoticons entry) idiots read into your high fives and think a hug is necessary, when in all reality, a following hug is never necessary.
In summary, we hope you have educated yourself about hand gestures. Always try to intiate the greeting if the person looks even the least bit sketchy. Use your hand gestures to make judgements about people. If a person tries to turn a high five into a hug, it's safe to say they are a douche bag. However, if someone, even if you don't know them, comes at you with a sweet ass high five, don't pass it up. If you're going to have multiple partners, make sure to carry hand sanitzer. It's cheap, it kills 99% of bacteria that can be transfered through hand greetings!
daily high five (do read into this): the brownie batter blizzard might be the greatest ice cream dessert ever. people were openly crying when Dairy Queen decided to be lame and take the treat off the menu last year, but now you've realized how big of a mistake you made. sure, it's still overpriced, but at least we have an option now. also, you can get coups by lying about your birthday and giving every email address you have to the dq website. that's right, we beat the system.
daily bitch slap: runner up gay kid from American Idol. big surprise, wait. We all knew from when you came out on stage with guyliner and a metallic jacket that you would prefer to be the front man of a drag show rendition of "Mamma Mia." It's cool Adam Lambert, you still have more money than we do. We figured you would prefer the bitch slap to our high five, and we kind of respect that.
Monday, June 8, 2009
case of the mondays
so its monday. all of you know what this means.. lameness. monday is like the bad punch line at the end of the weekend. SPOILER ALERT its always there. Monday means work, or if the season is right school and lets face it neither one of those things is even remotely classy.
if they beatles would have had their way and we really would have 8 days a week then maybe monday wouldn't suck so much. what if we stuck with tradition and added something else to the week that ended in -day. ex. "funday" or "awesomenessday" or our personal favorite "winkyfaceday." see the conotation of any of those can't help but bring up good thoughts. the weekend is really just too short.
RECAP:
saturday: you have to spend saturday catching up on everything you haven't done all during the week because once you get done with your weekly obligations you hate yourself and the world too much to engage in anything remotely constructive. You call up your friends, bitch about how much you life has sucked and how much you need to cut lose until you realize that by saturday the weekend is halfway over and in two days time your going to be back working for the man. we've caught ourselves just bitching about how much our lives suck on saturday nights and before you know it it's time to go home. you can't even escape work or school for a few hours with friends. maybe you even spent your weekly income buying drinks to enjoy your saturday. pathetic. you find you have talked yourself into this depression so you might was well welcome sunday. hu-rah.
sunday: you have to spend sunday mentally preparing yourself for another 5 days of work. maybe its meditation or maybe its just napping all day since you know your sleep is going to be fucked for the rest of the week. 9pm on sunday night is probably the worst time of the week. tv shows and sports are ending, you need to do those last minute things you usually do on sunday nights and start planning to go to sleep. either way you can't enjoy sunday because your already dreading what you know is inevitablly around the corner.
and what is there to gain after monday? you sit down and realize hey i only have 4 more days to work..oh how freakin awesome. Monday is a bitch and we all have to deal with it.
in the words of the great saul "stuff your sorrys in a sack". unless of course you work seven days a week in which case you're always going to be fucked.
DAILY BITCH SLAP: perhaps this is adding insult to injury but the daily bitch slap is going to brett michaels. youtube "brett michaels tonys' if you haven't already seen it but watchign a cocky brett michaels get absolutly pwned by stage decorations is funny. however being 40something, having multiple vh1 shows, wearing bandanas to cover up your hair plugs, and really just being a douche is enough to get a bitch slap any day.
DAILY HIGH FIVE: the daily high five goes to a&e. seriously if you never watched that channel check it. intervention is a classic and obsessed is fast becoming a can't miss show. yeah its reality tv but get over it. watching these shows is like watching a train wreck, you can't look away.
if they beatles would have had their way and we really would have 8 days a week then maybe monday wouldn't suck so much. what if we stuck with tradition and added something else to the week that ended in -day. ex. "funday" or "awesomenessday" or our personal favorite "winkyfaceday." see the conotation of any of those can't help but bring up good thoughts. the weekend is really just too short.
RECAP:
saturday: you have to spend saturday catching up on everything you haven't done all during the week because once you get done with your weekly obligations you hate yourself and the world too much to engage in anything remotely constructive. You call up your friends, bitch about how much you life has sucked and how much you need to cut lose until you realize that by saturday the weekend is halfway over and in two days time your going to be back working for the man. we've caught ourselves just bitching about how much our lives suck on saturday nights and before you know it it's time to go home. you can't even escape work or school for a few hours with friends. maybe you even spent your weekly income buying drinks to enjoy your saturday. pathetic. you find you have talked yourself into this depression so you might was well welcome sunday. hu-rah.
sunday: you have to spend sunday mentally preparing yourself for another 5 days of work. maybe its meditation or maybe its just napping all day since you know your sleep is going to be fucked for the rest of the week. 9pm on sunday night is probably the worst time of the week. tv shows and sports are ending, you need to do those last minute things you usually do on sunday nights and start planning to go to sleep. either way you can't enjoy sunday because your already dreading what you know is inevitablly around the corner.
and what is there to gain after monday? you sit down and realize hey i only have 4 more days to work..oh how freakin awesome. Monday is a bitch and we all have to deal with it.
in the words of the great saul "stuff your sorrys in a sack". unless of course you work seven days a week in which case you're always going to be fucked.
DAILY BITCH SLAP: perhaps this is adding insult to injury but the daily bitch slap is going to brett michaels. youtube "brett michaels tonys' if you haven't already seen it but watchign a cocky brett michaels get absolutly pwned by stage decorations is funny. however being 40something, having multiple vh1 shows, wearing bandanas to cover up your hair plugs, and really just being a douche is enough to get a bitch slap any day.
DAILY HIGH FIVE: the daily high five goes to a&e. seriously if you never watched that channel check it. intervention is a classic and obsessed is fast becoming a can't miss show. yeah its reality tv but get over it. watching these shows is like watching a train wreck, you can't look away.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Safety first, then teamwork.
Alright kids. We think you're all old enough to have a mature conversation about something that's very important. It may make or break your relationship with a special person or a not so special person. That's right. It's time for the EMOTICON use discussion.
Emoticons. You have the power to control them because they sit in your very own keyboard of your computer or your cellular device. It's a very powerful tool that few people possess the ability to correctly use or even to receive. According to Wikipedia, emoticons were created in the 19th century for humorous/casual writing. On September 19, 1982, the first digital form of these symbols were used by Scott Fahlman. There are even traces of our favorite President, Abraham Lincoln, using emoticons in documents dating back to 1862. Whether or not he had a misprint in his writing, I think it's safe to say he had some sort of subliminal messaging in his brain shown through his writing.
We enjoy using emoticons as much as the next person. In fact we have favorites. They include (divided by a / symbol):
<:^) / <@;-) /
You can even mix and match any of these symbols! It's great fun, kind of like those paper dolls you had when you were five and you could mix and match their clothing, ah good times. emoticons can even translate into mediums never before untilized. If your feeling really sassy you can even take your favorite emoticon (ex. ;)) and say it in normal speech (winky smiley face).
Perhaps you've even used some of these emoticons yourself ;)
That's right. We just sent a winky face emoticon to you. Especially for YOU. Because we probably want to meet you in real life, carry on a real conversation, take long walks on the beach, eat ice cream sundaes, and talk about the future. All because we sent you a winky face emoticon through a keyboard. Seriously we now want to marry all of you becuase YOU have recieved a winky face.
Ok, people. Here's the thing. We love to use emoticons, usually to be complete idiots. They do not mean real emotion. Let's repeat. EMOTICONS ARE NOT REAL. We love getting in emoticon battles. How awesome can you get your emoticon to be? The best are when you might have to include a description of your created emoticon. (feel free to leave us some in the comments)
We know people, and have been those people, who send emoticons to lots of people. Our family, friends, enemies, acquaintance's. We don't recommend reading into emoticons. They just cause trouble and annoyances that no one wants to deal with. For example, have you caught yourself saying omg does he/she like me more than a friend? I mean, they sent this winky face emoticon when they said they were at a doctors appointment or washing their car. In our case, we'd probably just be being dbags, in other cases, well, do you really want to start a relationship through a text or a internet blog? Sure, if you want to tell people, "Oh yeah, when he/she sent me that winky face emoticon after telling me he/she has SARS, I knew it was fate." We freakin' hope not. If you do, please get off the internet.
We personally love sending smiley faces and getting no response and then send winky faces and get sexually assalte through our computers/phones.. WAIT. for crying out loud we create/use emoticons because we are ridiculous. we actually find it funny to type out these emoticons and its really sad that such harmless fun can be twisted into any sort of actual meaning.
Now with recent trends in emoticon use and the general dumbness society possess emoticons serve as screening tools. If we send you <;) and you respond back "hey babe" or "what are you doing" we immediatly know you are not our real friend and are a douche. if you would have responded "douche" or even said nothign at all we would know that you are a keeper.
We want emoticons to be fun. After all, they're just symbols that happen to be on your keyboard for punctuation marks. If you can't send them responsibly, don't. We hope you feel stupid if you read into punctuation marks. [/;-S
daily high five: creators of the movie "The Hangover." If you haven't seen it, we hope you do. If you can quote anything from Pineapple Express, Role Models, or StepBrothers, go see this in your overpriced theater. its worth it.
daily bitch slap: jack nicholson (spelling? it doesn't matter). Ok, seriously dude, you need to chill out while watching the Lakers. When you stand up and start shouting obsentities at the players, remember we can read your lips and you look like an idiot.also did you recently get a bff necklace with bono because who else wears their sunglasses at nightt? it also doesn't help that you're a huge lakers fan. We hate the Lakers.
Emoticons. You have the power to control them because they sit in your very own keyboard of your computer or your cellular device. It's a very powerful tool that few people possess the ability to correctly use or even to receive. According to Wikipedia, emoticons were created in the 19th century for humorous/casual writing. On September 19, 1982, the first digital form of these symbols were used by Scott Fahlman. There are even traces of our favorite President, Abraham Lincoln, using emoticons in documents dating back to 1862. Whether or not he had a misprint in his writing, I think it's safe to say he had some sort of subliminal messaging in his brain shown through his writing.
We enjoy using emoticons as much as the next person. In fact we have favorites. They include (divided by a / symbol):
<:^) / <@;-) /
You can even mix and match any of these symbols! It's great fun, kind of like those paper dolls you had when you were five and you could mix and match their clothing, ah good times. emoticons can even translate into mediums never before untilized. If your feeling really sassy you can even take your favorite emoticon (ex. ;)) and say it in normal speech (winky smiley face).
Perhaps you've even used some of these emoticons yourself ;)
That's right. We just sent a winky face emoticon to you. Especially for YOU. Because we probably want to meet you in real life, carry on a real conversation, take long walks on the beach, eat ice cream sundaes, and talk about the future. All because we sent you a winky face emoticon through a keyboard. Seriously we now want to marry all of you becuase YOU have recieved a winky face.
Ok, people. Here's the thing. We love to use emoticons, usually to be complete idiots. They do not mean real emotion. Let's repeat. EMOTICONS ARE NOT REAL. We love getting in emoticon battles. How awesome can you get your emoticon to be? The best are when you might have to include a description of your created emoticon. (feel free to leave us some in the comments)
We know people, and have been those people, who send emoticons to lots of people. Our family, friends, enemies, acquaintance's. We don't recommend reading into emoticons. They just cause trouble and annoyances that no one wants to deal with. For example, have you caught yourself saying omg does he/she like me more than a friend? I mean, they sent this winky face emoticon when they said they were at a doctors appointment or washing their car. In our case, we'd probably just be being dbags, in other cases, well, do you really want to start a relationship through a text or a internet blog? Sure, if you want to tell people, "Oh yeah, when he/she sent me that winky face emoticon after telling me he/she has SARS, I knew it was fate." We freakin' hope not. If you do, please get off the internet.
We want emoticons to be fun. After all, they're just symbols that happen to be on your keyboard for punctuation marks. If you can't send them responsibly, don't. We hope you feel stupid if you read into punctuation marks. [/;-S
daily high five: creators of the movie "The Hangover." If you haven't seen it, we hope you do. If you can quote anything from Pineapple Express, Role Models, or StepBrothers, go see this in your overpriced theater. its worth it.
daily bitch slap: jack nicholson (spelling? it doesn't matter). Ok, seriously dude, you need to chill out while watching the Lakers. When you stand up and start shouting obsentities at the players, remember we can read your lips and you look like an idiot.also did you recently get a bff necklace with bono because who else wears their sunglasses at nightt? it also doesn't help that you're a huge lakers fan. We hate the Lakers.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
So is this what you wanted? To bad its what you got.
Oh hey, fancy seeing you here. Well we did it. After much discussion and in depth business meetings we decided to dictate our thoughts to the masses. Everything is copyrighted so if you take anything from here you will go to jail. we will also expect compensation for our wittyness and general awesomeness. All things in this blog are opinions, they should probably be laws but you know hard it is to change the constitution. You've been warned.
Basically this here blog is going to say what you are thinking. you know about life, society, and the american way. We're going to try and update it daily and feel free to leave us comments. And those comments better be entertaining. if we don't laugh you should be crying with shame. feel free to suggest topics for us and we will give you our input, advice, or general knowledge.
We're going to institute some daily gems for you to look forward to including the daily high five and daily bitch slap.. some being better than others. We might also recommend movies or music for your enjoyment. but seriously you should probably listen to us. we know stuff. thats why we're making the big bucks. cha-ching. <;-$ (please don't read into this as we know many of you will or do).
alright. lets kick this off. today's awards:
daily high five: jon and kate gossling. for proving its okay to have 8 kids, a reality tv show on tlc, their own e! special. epic fail. and for that you need a high five.
daily bitch slap: the SAT. seriously derrick rose has no business in a classroom. so what if someone paid someone to take his test for him? excuse me SAT but we knew he was never going to last in the college division anyways. As far as we're concerned he got a perfect 2400 in dunking, ball handeling, and general awesomeness. go bulls.
check back tomorrow. grab yourself a hot beverage and a snuggie. find a computer. and log on for an in depth look at one of our favorite topics: Emoticons: why they're not real.
Basically this here blog is going to say what you are thinking. you know about life, society, and the american way. We're going to try and update it daily and feel free to leave us comments. And those comments better be entertaining. if we don't laugh you should be crying with shame. feel free to suggest topics for us and we will give you our input, advice, or general knowledge.
We're going to institute some daily gems for you to look forward to including the daily high five and daily bitch slap.. some being better than others. We might also recommend movies or music for your enjoyment. but seriously you should probably listen to us. we know stuff. thats why we're making the big bucks. cha-ching. <;-$ (please don't read into this as we know many of you will or do).
alright. lets kick this off. today's awards:
daily high five: jon and kate gossling. for proving its okay to have 8 kids, a reality tv show on tlc, their own e! special. epic fail. and for that you need a high five.
daily bitch slap: the SAT. seriously derrick rose has no business in a classroom. so what if someone paid someone to take his test for him? excuse me SAT but we knew he was never going to last in the college division anyways. As far as we're concerned he got a perfect 2400 in dunking, ball handeling, and general awesomeness. go bulls.
check back tomorrow. grab yourself a hot beverage and a snuggie. find a computer. and log on for an in depth look at one of our favorite topics: Emoticons: why they're not real.
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