Handshakes lead to hangjobs. Nice to meet you.

Whoa, just playing. Happy Tuesday. Todays topic: handshakes/five/poundup.

You've all been in that situation. That's right. A hello, a welcome, a what's goin' on. The person you start talking to extends their hand in greeting and you get flustered. You think to yourself omg I don't want to hug you, but what kind of hand gesture are you going to give me.

If you have the chance, quickly size up how much personal contact you want to have with this person. If you're not a "hugging" person, we suggest offering the hand gesture first. This is the best way to avoid a hug once it has been impossed upon you. You can't pull back from a hand shake hug once it's offered to you, you'll just look like a bitch then. Handshake huggers can be difficult to detect and are you usually the people you are leastly likely to want to touch. They bait you by offering a handshake and then once they get you, they gotcha! There's no turning back and you're going to have to deal with close contact for a minimum of 5 seconds. It's gross.

The classiest way to initiate conversation is with a high five. High fives are an art form, and like good things, practice makes perfect. In fact, you can practice your high fives with strangers and you'll make friends! If someone offers you a quality high five, there's a 90% chance that your conversation will include awesomeness. High fives are an even better idea when there is adult beverages involved. If you're a minor, you can still hand out high fives, we'll allow it. We also suggest yelling "high five" when hand out your high fives. It makes the moment even more magical. Everyone will want a high five, but only special people will receive them. Don't become a high five whore. ALWAYS be cautious of those who make look like they could be high five huggers, even if you initiate the high five. Sometimes (see emoticons entry) idiots read into your high fives and think a hug is necessary, when in all reality, a following hug is never necessary.

In summary, we hope you have educated yourself about hand gestures. Always try to intiate the greeting if the person looks even the least bit sketchy. Use your hand gestures to make judgements about people. If a person tries to turn a high five into a hug, it's safe to say they are a douche bag. However, if someone, even if you don't know them, comes at you with a sweet ass high five, don't pass it up. If you're going to have multiple partners, make sure to carry hand sanitzer. It's cheap, it kills 99% of bacteria that can be transfered through hand greetings!

daily high five (do read into this): the brownie batter blizzard might be the greatest ice cream dessert ever. people were openly crying when Dairy Queen decided to be lame and take the treat off the menu last year, but now you've realized how big of a mistake you made. sure, it's still overpriced, but at least we have an option now. also, you can get coups by lying about your birthday and giving every email address you have to the dq website. that's right, we beat the system.

daily bitch slap: runner up gay kid from American Idol. big surprise, wait. We all knew from when you came out on stage with guyliner and a metallic jacket that you would prefer to be the front man of a drag show rendition of "Mamma Mia." It's cool Adam Lambert, you still have more money than we do. We figured you would prefer the bitch slap to our high five, and we kind of respect that.