we thought we would share some of our softer side with you folks tonight, a little bit of poetry (especially haiku's) always gets the mood right..
sleep is for the week
we would rather high five
refrigerator
scissors, lawn mower, peas
don't mix them if you heart life
legends never die
september is dead
get over it you pussy
hug it out brosef
listen to your mom
unless she is a hooker
emancipation
do you have the time
seriously i'm tardy
stop your hating, douche
sunshine for the birds
damn rats with wings blow hardcore
run into glass door
we hope you've enjoyed this zen trip. these are all copyrighted.
daily high five: chocolate chip cookies. seriously what is better than a warm chocolate chip cooking fresh from the oven? yeah thats what we thought.
daily bitch slap: dancing with the stars. don't get us wrong, we love seeing aaron carter, sabrina the teenage witch, and that pint sized snowboarder but for the love of god could you please cut down on the tv air time. 34 hours of dancing with the stars coverage is way to long, cut the crap, we don't need all the glitz we just need to dance.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
fall, man
so as you should have noticed by now, the seasons they are a changing. its fall bitches. and we can honestly say that its classy like no other.
now we know not all of you will agree. but here is a list of why:
1. the weather.
quit your bitching about you like it hot outside. summer is over deal with it. there is nothing better than a crisp 50 degree day. you don't sweat, and if your not dressed like a retard you shouldn't be cold either. if there is wind, we will admit that sucks pretty hardcore, but without wind a nice overcast fall day is the bee's knees.
2. the clothing.
this kinda goes hand in hand with the weather for some part, as 50 degree weather is primo time for sweatshirts and jeans the combo that rules them all. sweatshirts are just the shit so nothing else can be said there. if jeans aren't your thing then you are a little strange, but fall also is a good time for corduroy or even sweat pants. flannel is also always legit in the fall, and everyone looks better in a shade of flannel. as another positive even the whores have to start covering up in the fall. while we can't guarantee that you won't stumble across a tube top or mini skirt you will see a lot less of them.
3. the food.
two words. CARAMEL APPLES. the way johnny appleseed intended. caramel apples are the ultimate in the fall season. we suggest you eat at least one a day. other notable fall foods that kick ass: halloween oreos, candy corn, sierra mist with cranberry (apparently only comes out in the fall/winter), hot chocolate, apple cider, and we can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of thanksgiving food which hits up the tail end of the season.
4. the entertainment
the fall season spans across some of the most entertaining times all year. you've got college football season at the beginning (tailgating and the opportunity to watch 45 games just on saturday alone), mix in some halloween (candy, scary movies, watching people dress like fools), and dabble some thanksgiving (macy's parade and again food) and you've got yourself quite the itinerary to hit up. do yourself a favor and RSVP now.
5. the colors
even though right now we aren't seeing the greatness, once fall gets in full swing the colors are undeniably awesome. reds, yellows, brown, and yes even orange can be slightly okay in a fall setting. also all you purple lovers can hit up the eggplant shades and its semi okay. pretty.
the perfect climate, the perfect clothes, the perfect food, and the perfect entertainment. thats about everything one needs to survive in the world. fall really does have it all.
daily high five: lady gaga. lady you are straight up insane. you dress and speak like your on crack, which you might very well be, but damn do you right a catchy tune. paparazzi.
daily bitch slap: tim tebow. your a douche. if any other player would have gotten hit like that nobody would have cared. but apparently being the golden boy of the gators gets you so much press we're surprised to know the world isn't updated everytime you take a piss. enjoy your time in college douche because your NFL career is going to amount to nothing.
now we know not all of you will agree. but here is a list of why:
1. the weather.
quit your bitching about you like it hot outside. summer is over deal with it. there is nothing better than a crisp 50 degree day. you don't sweat, and if your not dressed like a retard you shouldn't be cold either. if there is wind, we will admit that sucks pretty hardcore, but without wind a nice overcast fall day is the bee's knees.
2. the clothing.
this kinda goes hand in hand with the weather for some part, as 50 degree weather is primo time for sweatshirts and jeans the combo that rules them all. sweatshirts are just the shit so nothing else can be said there. if jeans aren't your thing then you are a little strange, but fall also is a good time for corduroy or even sweat pants. flannel is also always legit in the fall, and everyone looks better in a shade of flannel. as another positive even the whores have to start covering up in the fall. while we can't guarantee that you won't stumble across a tube top or mini skirt you will see a lot less of them.
3. the food.
two words. CARAMEL APPLES. the way johnny appleseed intended. caramel apples are the ultimate in the fall season. we suggest you eat at least one a day. other notable fall foods that kick ass: halloween oreos, candy corn, sierra mist with cranberry (apparently only comes out in the fall/winter), hot chocolate, apple cider, and we can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of thanksgiving food which hits up the tail end of the season.
4. the entertainment
the fall season spans across some of the most entertaining times all year. you've got college football season at the beginning (tailgating and the opportunity to watch 45 games just on saturday alone), mix in some halloween (candy, scary movies, watching people dress like fools), and dabble some thanksgiving (macy's parade and again food) and you've got yourself quite the itinerary to hit up. do yourself a favor and RSVP now.
5. the colors
even though right now we aren't seeing the greatness, once fall gets in full swing the colors are undeniably awesome. reds, yellows, brown, and yes even orange can be slightly okay in a fall setting. also all you purple lovers can hit up the eggplant shades and its semi okay. pretty.
the perfect climate, the perfect clothes, the perfect food, and the perfect entertainment. thats about everything one needs to survive in the world. fall really does have it all.
daily high five: lady gaga. lady you are straight up insane. you dress and speak like your on crack, which you might very well be, but damn do you right a catchy tune. paparazzi.
daily bitch slap: tim tebow. your a douche. if any other player would have gotten hit like that nobody would have cared. but apparently being the golden boy of the gators gets you so much press we're surprised to know the world isn't updated everytime you take a piss. enjoy your time in college douche because your NFL career is going to amount to nothing.
Monday, September 14, 2009
yeah, its fate.
okay so we know not everyone is going to agree on our views on the subject of fate, but its really all we have left to believe in.
you know in those movies where the main character has to overcome insurmountable odds to do something, or something wicked bad happens to them and someone tells them-you make your own fate (or something equivalent to that) and then all of a sudden everything turns around, they get everything they want, unicorns appear, sunshine and smiles. well that's bullshit.
we're not going to pretend we're saints or perfect but seriously we lead pretty decent respectable lives. and what has that gotten us? absolutely nothing. but the one thing that keeps us going- when the world is constantly frowning on us- is the concept of fate. this has to happen for a reason, someday we will see how everything in our lives has culminated to an ultimate outcome. relying on fate is not fun, we did not choose this. we didn't choose to have "friends" that value our opinion about as much as a horoscope in the paper, or choose eternal singleness (see previous blog), or so much stress our faces are breaking out like 13 year olds.
we didn't know that fate would take its sweet ass time and drag us through a bunch of things we wish we could skip. and yeah, we hold out for whats in store for us because we know that by staying true to ourselves and what we like, what we do, and where we are there will be a time when something or someone crosses our path and it will just click.
since karma apparently is taking a vaca and not catching up to people, hopefully fate catches up to us soon because seriously we're sick of people getting everything they want. its our turn.
so hey, you might think your choosing their own fate now, but fate is just mindfucking you. if your a douche now spoiler alert: fate has something in store for you and you deserve every bit of it.
daily bitch slap: taylor swift. kayne west already verbally slapped you so know we're going to bring in the muscle. deal with it. country music is lame.
daily high five: the outfield. (the band). the song your love is certifiably awesome. please obtain it somehow and listen to it on repeat. man things were classier in the 80's.
you know in those movies where the main character has to overcome insurmountable odds to do something, or something wicked bad happens to them and someone tells them-you make your own fate (or something equivalent to that) and then all of a sudden everything turns around, they get everything they want, unicorns appear, sunshine and smiles. well that's bullshit.
we're not going to pretend we're saints or perfect but seriously we lead pretty decent respectable lives. and what has that gotten us? absolutely nothing. but the one thing that keeps us going- when the world is constantly frowning on us- is the concept of fate. this has to happen for a reason, someday we will see how everything in our lives has culminated to an ultimate outcome. relying on fate is not fun, we did not choose this. we didn't choose to have "friends" that value our opinion about as much as a horoscope in the paper, or choose eternal singleness (see previous blog), or so much stress our faces are breaking out like 13 year olds.
we didn't know that fate would take its sweet ass time and drag us through a bunch of things we wish we could skip. and yeah, we hold out for whats in store for us because we know that by staying true to ourselves and what we like, what we do, and where we are there will be a time when something or someone crosses our path and it will just click.
since karma apparently is taking a vaca and not catching up to people, hopefully fate catches up to us soon because seriously we're sick of people getting everything they want. its our turn.
so hey, you might think your choosing their own fate now, but fate is just mindfucking you. if your a douche now spoiler alert: fate has something in store for you and you deserve every bit of it.
daily bitch slap: taylor swift. kayne west already verbally slapped you so know we're going to bring in the muscle. deal with it. country music is lame.
daily high five: the outfield. (the band). the song your love is certifiably awesome. please obtain it somehow and listen to it on repeat. man things were classier in the 80's.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
so it's september. summer is unofficially over but i'm sure it was full of fun, beaches, concerts, bike rides, sno cones, etc. another activity associated with summer are weddings. they're full of family, friends, and the celebration of love...i'll stop there to spare you of your gag reflexes. i went to a few weddings this summer for some of my closest friends and while i was happy to celebrate with them, being single doesn't help the awkwardness of the question everyone asks you..."so are you seeing anyone?"
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (internal screaming in response to that question is an usual occurance.)
No, i'm not. okay? us bloggers will admit we're at the age were people may be in serious relationship, especially in our region of the world. while it's usually casually brought up in conversation with people you haven't seen for a while, ok, i understand you're curious. yet still, none of your business. but then you have those people who know your grandma's cousin's brother's aunt or your co-workers who ask you the question. seriously. wouldn't you just feel awkward asking that question? especially when you get a "no, i'm happily single, thanks?" because then how do you response to that? here's some of our favorites:
-oh someone like you will find someone to appreciate you
-seriously?! you're not seeing anyone? why not?!?!
-interesting...because my (insert someone they know) son isn't dating anyone right now...
while it's not a top priority in our lifes right now, doesn't mean we're avoiding being in relationships, we'd just prefer that it wasn't brought up. we like being indepedent, is there anything wrong with that? but really, the question just pisses us off. the next time you ask, here's a variety of responses we might use and you'll probably be so weirded out that due to awkwardness you'd probably leave the conversation. if you're in this same situation, feel free to use them as well:
-Yeah i am, but he's in jail for an undisclosed amount of time on indecent exposure charges
-yes, multiple actually, i'm just sorting them through to see if any of these guys are really worthy or not. there's too many to tell you and you probably wouldn't know them anyway.
-yes, i met him online. he lives in greenland and sells boats. we have internet dates everyother tuesday and sunday.
in conclusion, don't ask people if they're seeing anyone unless you have absolutly nothing else to talk about, which is never that case. unless they come out first and say something about their boyfriend/girlfriend...ok fine....but you never need to feel obligated to come out and say "I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND." it's just stupid. and it's too big of a deal. don't be in a relationship just to be socially accepted. screw society, half of those people just want to impress someone and the majority of those aren't worth impressing anyway.
daily high five: jeans and sweatshirts. perfect outfit for perfect fall weather, especially at 8pm
daily bitch slap: tennis player melanie oudin. have you watched her play? she's alright, but have you HEARD her when she plays. it's the most awkward sound we've ever heard in sports. weird dudes.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (internal screaming in response to that question is an usual occurance.)
No, i'm not. okay? us bloggers will admit we're at the age were people may be in serious relationship, especially in our region of the world. while it's usually casually brought up in conversation with people you haven't seen for a while, ok, i understand you're curious. yet still, none of your business. but then you have those people who know your grandma's cousin's brother's aunt or your co-workers who ask you the question. seriously. wouldn't you just feel awkward asking that question? especially when you get a "no, i'm happily single, thanks?" because then how do you response to that? here's some of our favorites:
-oh someone like you will find someone to appreciate you
-seriously?! you're not seeing anyone? why not?!?!
-interesting...because my (insert someone they know) son isn't dating anyone right now...
while it's not a top priority in our lifes right now, doesn't mean we're avoiding being in relationships, we'd just prefer that it wasn't brought up. we like being indepedent, is there anything wrong with that? but really, the question just pisses us off. the next time you ask, here's a variety of responses we might use and you'll probably be so weirded out that due to awkwardness you'd probably leave the conversation. if you're in this same situation, feel free to use them as well:
-Yeah i am, but he's in jail for an undisclosed amount of time on indecent exposure charges
-yes, multiple actually, i'm just sorting them through to see if any of these guys are really worthy or not. there's too many to tell you and you probably wouldn't know them anyway.
-yes, i met him online. he lives in greenland and sells boats. we have internet dates everyother tuesday and sunday.
in conclusion, don't ask people if they're seeing anyone unless you have absolutly nothing else to talk about, which is never that case. unless they come out first and say something about their boyfriend/girlfriend...ok fine....but you never need to feel obligated to come out and say "I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND." it's just stupid. and it's too big of a deal. don't be in a relationship just to be socially accepted. screw society, half of those people just want to impress someone and the majority of those aren't worth impressing anyway.
daily high five: jeans and sweatshirts. perfect outfit for perfect fall weather, especially at 8pm
daily bitch slap: tennis player melanie oudin. have you watched her play? she's alright, but have you HEARD her when she plays. it's the most awkward sound we've ever heard in sports. weird dudes.
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